Q. Do you know how to eat a frog?
A. You put one leg over each ear.
Author: admin
Why is there an expiration
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream? If you keep trying to prove Murphy’s Law, will something keep going wrong? Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? How can someone “draw a blank”? Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?
No matter what
A man who was to be investigated by the Inland Revenue, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.
“Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.” the accountant replied.
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice.
“Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.”
Confused, the man asked a friend, told him of the conflicting advice, and aked what he should do.
“Let me tell you a story,” replied his friend.
“A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night and was told ‘Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.’
When she asked her best friend, she was told ‘Wear your most sexy negligee, with a v-neck right down to your navel’.”
The man said “What does all this have to do with my problem with the IR?”
His friend replied, “No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed.”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Knock Knock 94
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
India!
India who?
India good old summertime…!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Indiana!
Indiana who?
Indiana’ls of history you’ll be famous!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Indonesia!
Indonesia who?
I look at you and I get week Indonesia!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Iona!
Iona who?
Iona a great train set!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Iowa!
Iowa who?
Iowa you a dollar!
90210
Your momma is so fat . . .
The last time she saw 90210 it was on a scale.
Funny
Knock Knock
Whos there
See
See who
I See you pee!
boner boy
One day ryan kent went over to his girl friends house to watch t.v. When Ryans girl frined got really close, he got some led in his pencil and got emberresed becouse his pants started to stick up. Now he was really embarresed because his girlfriend asked him what it was. He said that it was a banana he had been saving to eat. His girl friend said ok, but im hungry arent you, can i have a bit of the banana.Ryan said that it was a pencil and his girl friend said ok, but i need to finish some home work will you help me.So her and ryan went up stairs to do some homework.Then thay went up stairs and he pulled down his over alls and his girl friends eyes get big and she says” holy shit thats the littlest thing ive ever seen”. Then she slappes it and said i had to do some homework and eat a banana, not look at a little worm.
The angry preacher…
The angry preacher…
The preacher rose with a red face. “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!”
No one moved.
The preacher continued, ” Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in our heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!”
Again all was quiet.
Slowly a “drop dead” gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke.
“Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan.
I told a couple of friends you were a wizard under the sheets.”
Ingredients
What are the main ingredients in VIAGRA?
HELIUM AND FIX-A-FLAT.
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Hot air
A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. Spotting a man down below, he reduces height and shouts: ‘Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?’ The man below says: ‘Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.’ ‘You must work in engineering!’ says the balloonist. ‘I do,’ replies the man. ‘How did you know?”Because,’ says the balloonist, ‘everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s of no use to anyone.”You, my friend,’ says the man below, ‘must work in management.”I do’ replies the balloonist, ‘but how did you know?”Because,’ says the man below, ‘you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now it’s my fault.’
Yo Mama’s So Fat… High Heels #2
Yo mama’s so fat, she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops.
Un hombre se encuentra con
Un hombre se encuentra con un amigo y le dice, “oye chico, hace 3 d�as que tengo una ronquera y no se me quita con nada”.
Y el amigo le contesta; “muchacho, as� estaba yo la semana pasada, pero cog� a la mujer m�a y le di esa mamada, que se me quito todo”.
Y dice el hombre, “�pues que hacemos? Vamos para all� o t� me la traes para ac�.