Your momma so fat she make freewilly look like a ticktack
Author: admin
Hell’s New Recruit
Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment.
First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room.
The next room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire.
The new guy immediately asks to see the third room. It has an really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a gorgeous blonde.
The guy jumps at the chance and takes the room. The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder and says “okay stop now you’ve been relieved”.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Lisbon!Lisbon who?Lisbon married
Knock KnockWho’s there?Lisbon!Lisbon who?Lisbon married eight times!
A Nutty Game
A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ”Up nuts!” And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ”Down nuts!” And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, ”Cheer nuts!” And they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, ”Well…everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ”PEANUTS!”
Hotel Bill
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they’re too tired to
continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a
nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four
hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four
hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so
high. He tells the clerk although it’s a nice hotel, the rooms
certainly aren’t worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is
the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
The manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that
the hotel has an Olympic sized pool and a huge conference
center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
“But we didn’t use them.” the man complains. “Well, they are
here, and you could have.” explains the manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows
for which the hotel is famous. “The best entertainers from New
York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here.” the manager says.
“But we didn’t go to any of those shows.” complains the man
again.
“Well, we have them, and you could have.” the manager replies.
No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies,
“But we didn’t use it!”
The manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and
agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager.
The mnager is surprised when he looks at the check. “But sir,”
he says, “this check is only made out for $100.”
“That’s right,” says the man. “I charged you $250 for sleeping
with my wife.”
“But I didn’t!” exclaims the mnager.
“Well,” the man replies, “she was here, and you could have.”
Birdy,Birdy
Birdy,Birdy in the sky,
Why’d you do that in my eye?
looks like ice cream,
Tastes like spit,
Oh my god, it’s birdy shit!
CROSSING THE STREET
TWO TAMPONS WERE CROSSING THE STREET. THEY SEE A FRIEND. WHICH ONE WAVES?
NEITHER, THEY ARE BOTH STUCK UP CUNTS.
Insults 3
People clap when they see you – their hands over their eyes or ears.
People say that you are outspoken but not by anyone that I know of.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect
but you are doing all right.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to
others.
Please breathe the other way. You’re bleaching my hair.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Bill Clinton’s favorite flower
What’s Bill Clinton’s favorite flower?
Tulips.
Why is there an expiration
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream? If you keep trying to prove Murphy’s Law, will something keep going wrong? Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? How can someone “draw a blank”? Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?
You put one leg over each ear.
Q. Do you know how to eat a frog?
A. You put one leg over each ear.
Knock Knock 94
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
India!
India who?
India good old summertime…!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Indiana!
Indiana who?
Indiana’ls of history you’ll be famous!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Indonesia!
Indonesia who?
I look at you and I get week Indonesia!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Iona!
Iona who?
Iona a great train set!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Iowa!
Iowa who?
Iowa you a dollar!