Yours Fun Portal !
A guy tells his wife that she has three choices. She can either go hunting with him, give him a blowjob, or he can butt fuck her.
The wive says, “I don’t want to go hunting because its cold out, and I’ve never been butt fucked before, so I think I’ll go with the blowjob.”
So she’s down there doing her thing and suddenly she says, “your dick tastes like shit!”
The guy says, “yeah, the dog didn’t want to go hunting either.”
Q: Did you hear about the Indian who drank 200 cups of tea?
A: He drowned in his TeePee!
Parital birth abortion–the best thing since sliced bread!
A hippie dies and goes to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter looks him up, and
says, “I’m sorry, but you’ll be going down to Hell.”
The hippie, astounded, peers through the gates and sees God walking in the distance.
“God!” he says. “What gives? Remember that time I was tripping on acid? I saw you and you said we’d be in Heaven together forever!”
God thought for a minute, then said, “Oh yeah, but I was drunk.”
Why was the cleaner unhappy with his job?
Because he believed that grime didn’t pay!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
There was a blonde, sitting in a rowboat, out in the middle of a huge field. She kept screaming “HELP.”
Another blonde happen to be driving by in her car and heard the first blonde yelling for help, so she pulled over to the side of the road to see what was wrong.
She yelled to the blonde sitting in the boat and asked her what was wrong.
The blonde in the boat replied, “I lost the oars and don’t know how to get out of here. Can you help me?”
The second blonde replied, “I would but I can’t swim!”
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jag XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver’s door of the Jag.
The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and it wasn’t more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up.
Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.
His Jag, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
“I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,” he said. “You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else.”
“How can you say such a thing?” asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, “Didn’t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you.”
“My God!” screamed the lawyer. “Where’s my Rolex?”
What do you call a guy who hangs around?
Art!
What would u do if u were stuck on a deserted place or island and there was a bear,camel, and jaguar and u have 1 gun and 1 bullet which one would u shot?I wouldn`t shot any because i would drink the bear (beer), smoke the camel (cigarettes), and drive the jaguar (car) !!! lol
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
How long is your one?
I have one.
You have one.
Your mother uses your father’s one
and your auntie uses your uncle’s one.
A married lady would acquire one.
But a divorced lady would lose her one.
A Pope does not use his one.
Lee Kuan Yew has a short-short one.
Mao Ze Dong had a hairy one.
Lord Krishna had a long-long one.
Arnold Schwarzenneger has a longer one.
Michael J. Fox has a shorter one.
Madonna does not have one.
The Chinese usually have short ones.
While the Indian usually have long ones.
Do you have one?
How long is your one?
Which one is your preferred one?
See below for answer)
Answer : Your Surname,( What were you
thinking of,
huh???)
Q: why are guys like vacuum cleaners?A: you turn them on, you plug them in, and they suck stuff out of your carpet.