Author: admin

Nurse’s hell

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A doctor died and was being screened for the destination of his soul’s eternal afterlife.

Unfortunately he’d been a bit of a lout and greedy to boot, so he wasn’t quite certain what to expect.

Upon his arrival at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter greeted him and informed the Doctor that he would be allowed to choose from one of the doors before him, but that because of his greed and misdeeds, he may find the choices rather disturbing.

Upon opening the first door, he saw fire and brimstone of truly Biblical proportions, a horrifying sight, so he quickly shut the door.

After looking through the second door, he was even more horrified to see various tortured souls ravaged by plague, disease, and other maladies too terrible to mention, while an evil guard stood watch.

Nervously he opened the third door to discover groups of white-coated male physicians, being waited on hand and foot by beautiful young women dressed in little more than nursing caps!

He rushed excitedly back to Saint Peter and said, “I’ll take the third door!”

“Oh, no, I’m afraid that’s not possible,” exclaimed Saint Peter. “That’s NURSE’S Hell!”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman

Smart Man Not So Smart?!

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There are four people on a plane. Pilot, The Smartest Man in the World, a father, and a son.

The pilot does something wrong so the plane is about to crash. There are only 3 paracutes.

The pilot says “I need to survive this crash to go on piloting more planes.” He grabs one and jumps off the plane.

The smartest man inthe world says ” I need to survive this crash teaching people of my knowledge.” He grabs one and jumps off.

The father says “Son you can have the last paracute I have lived longer than you and had more experience in life so go ahead.”

The son says “Thats ok Dad the smart man took my backpack…”

The Top 16 Other Manufactured Controversies

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16> VP Dick Cheney says he saw Kerry take 12 items through the “10 Item or Less” lane at the Georgetown Safeway.

15> According to Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa corks his forearms, too.

14> The Sesame Street cast says that Bert’s all-potassium diet is turning him into a walking banana.

13> Britney claims that Christina once uttered the phrase “not tonight.”

12> Whitney Houston’s drug rehabilitation has been put on hold while her doctors argue about whether her entourage are enablers, co-dependents or caretakers.

11> Ralph Nader claims the electoral system discriminates against the megalomaniacally insane.

10> Democratic party leaders Bill Clinton and Gary Hart accuse President Bush of clandestine monogamy and fidelity.

9> Kerry says that although he threw away his combat decorations, as a senior in high school Bush threw his equestrian medals into the large lake behind the family estate to protest the top billing of the school’s football team over the polo team.

8> Rush Limbaugh alleges that Al Franken merely *skimmed* end-user agreements in software he purchased.

7> John Stamos says that Rebecca Romijn-Stamos bogarted all the face creams and bronzers.

6> Terry McAuliffe claims that George W. Bush’s insistence that there is absolute truth is an outright rejection of the entire post-modern generation.

5> Alex Trebek insinuates that Pat Sajak is disregarding the rules by not requiring contestants to buy the “Y.”

4> “The L.A. *Lakers*? Is Los Angeles known for its lakes? Shouldn’t a sports franchise’s nickname at least have some tangential connection to its host city’s unique local culture? We think so. We are the Utah Jazz, and we approved this message.”

3> Producers of “The Simple Life” claim they have video proof that Paris Hilton was *not* a virgin when they hired her for the show.

2> Elton John starts a nasty rumor that fellow adult-contemporary artist Sting once played in a rock and roll band.

1> Mary-Kate Olsen accuses sister Ashley of being a no-talent bimbo trading on her looks.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]

Go Snoopy It’s Ya Birthday

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Charlie Brown has his friend Lucy over and he invites her into
his room and asks her to close her eyes and hold out her hands.
He places into her hand his dick. He tells her she can open her
eyes and Lucy screams, she runs out of her room and slams the
door. She runs out the front door and slams the door, runs up
the street, around the roundabout, further up the street, turns
left, runs up the street, around the roundabout and runs up to
her house. She opens the front door, slams the door, runs into
her bedroom, slams the door and picks up the phone and rings
Charlie. She says to Charlie, “I have 2 words to say to you. You
are disgusting!” He replies by saying, “I have 2 words to say to
you. LET GO!!!”

Three Black Roosters

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A man and a woman were talking.The woman asked the man,”three black roosters were sitting on a fence,how many feet were there all together?”
The man replies,”there are six feet.”
“Ok”,says the woman,”how many beeks are there?”
The man replies,”three.”
The woman then says,”A white cat comes along and jumps on the fence,how many whiskers does it have?”
The man answers,”six,no wait eight.” The woman asked,”are you sure?”
“No” replies the man
Then the woman asked,”how is it that you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy?”