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Un hombre llega a un bar y ordena:
“�Mozo, 5 whiskis!”
Se los sirve el mozo y el hombre se los toma. Al rato de tom�rselos:
“�Mozo, 4 whiskis!”
El mozo se los lleva y �l se los toma. Al rato:
“�Mojo, 3 whisky!”
Pasa lo mismo:
“�Moho, 2 whiky!”
En eso, al tomarse los whiskis le dice al mozo:
“�Moho, por qu� ser� que entre meno tomo m� me curo!”
There are four people on a plane. Pilot, The Smartest Man in the World, a father, and a son.
The pilot does something wrong so the plane is about to crash. There are only 3 paracutes.
The pilot says “I need to survive this crash to go on piloting more planes.” He grabs one and jumps off the plane.
The smartest man inthe world says ” I need to survive this crash teaching people of my knowledge.” He grabs one and jumps off.
The father says “Son you can have the last paracute I have lived longer than you and had more experience in life so go ahead.”
The son says “Thats ok Dad the smart man took my backpack…”
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
“Well,” said her mother, “So?”
“Oh, mama,” she replied, “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic…”
Suddenly she burst out crying. “But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language, things I’d never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words!
You’ve got to take me home…, PLEASE MAMA!”
“Sarah, Sarah,” her mother said, “calm down,you need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful?
WHAT 4-letter words?”
“Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” wept the daughter, “I’m so embarrassed, they’re just too awful!
COME GET ME, PLEASE!!”
Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!”
Still sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, Mama…, he used words like:
dust,
wash,
iron,
cook…”
I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes,” said the mother
Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Curtis
World Wide Wait
Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.
At an university, a lecture about trees is in progress. The lecturer explains
that different trees produce different kinds of nuts. Some of the nuts are round
shaped, some angular in shape, some are green, some are brown etc. Only one tree
in the world has black nuts. Professor names that tree in Latin. Then Professor
notices that one female student is not listening to him, but is fully absorbed
in reading a book. He approaches her, and, pointing a finger at her, shoots a
question, “Whose nuts are black?”
Startled, the student replies, “Those of blacky.”
How do you start a mexican parade?
Roll a quarter down a street.
Who’s paying for Monica’s new lawyers?
Wannabe president, Al Gore.
There is a new weapon store in town, and the news is spreading
fast. People say that you can find any weapon you want there.
So Jack, that is a nigger, once was walking and he saw the
store. “People say it is so amazing, i will check it out”,he
said to himself.
So there goes Jack in the store. He goes and talks to the first
salesman he sees, “Excuse me”.
“Excuse you? Why should I? Get out of here.” the salesman
replied in a very rude tone.
“But…” Jack insisted.
“But nothing, get the fuck out of here or I will call the
security and you will be kicked out.”
So Jack went out, enfuriated.
“What happened” asked Jack’s white friend, Tomas, that was
going inthe store andsaw his friend walking out with a mean look.
“You are going in there?” Jack asked
“Yeah,” Tom replied “Why?”
“The salesman are very rude,” it is no good”.
And then Jack rushed away.
But Tom got curious and wanted to go see what got Jack so mad.
The store had such a good reputation. So he decided to check it
out.
“Good morning Sir” said the salesman as Tom came in, “My name
is Oliver, what can I do for you?”
“Thanks” said Tom “I’m just looking”.
“Make yourself confortable, we have any thing you may be
looking for.”
And it went on. The salesman was very pleasant. And Tom even
became friends with him. The service was exellent. He was even
asked if he wanted a cup of water. And Tom was about to go, when
he decided to ask his last question.
“Excuse me” he said.
“Yes, Tom” the salesman replied with a big smile.
“What to you have against niggers?”
The salesman face got just a bit serious but then he replied.
“Well, against niggers we have this riffle, he isn’t so
powerfull, but the aim is terrific. If you want power, there is
the Shotgun 2000, but the bullets are hard to buy. We also have
the….”
Ballad of the Bobbitt Hillbillies!
Sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies:
Here’s a little story of a man named John
A poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone
It seems one night after gettin’ with the wife
She lopped off his schlong with a swipe of a knife
Pecker that is,
Rodeoed, fillet food
Well, the next thing you know there’s a ginsu by his side
And Lorena’s in the car taking willie for a ride
She soon got tired of her purple headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded the bend
Curve, that is
Pricker shrubs, wheel hubs
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back
They sniffed and they barked, then they pointed “over there”
To John Wayne’s henry that was wavin’ in the air
Found, that is
By a fence, evidence
Now peter and John couldn’t stay apart too long
So a d***-doc said “Hey, I can fix your d**g!”
A needle and a thread’s just the thing you’re gonna need
Then the world held it’s breath till they heard that John peed
Whizzed, that is
Stitched seam, straight stream
Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short)
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only one they didn’t show on tape
Video, that is,
Unexposed, case closed
Q.what do you get swinging of apple trees
A.Sore arms
There was a guy he was at a baseball game….
this man had terrible lepercy and his back was filled with pus and blood and all that…
well the guy beside him kept throwing up…
so the man with the disease said “i am sorry i know its me i will go”
the man looked at him and said “no its not you, you can stay”
the man with the disease said ok so he sat back down
later the man threw up again and the man with lepercy said “i will go i am sorry”
the other manh said no its not you just stay its ok” so the man stayed
then like 10 min. the man threw up again and the man with the disease said ok enough i am gonna go now. the other man said no don’t go its not you just let me explain…the guy behind my keeps dipping his chips in you back…