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1234

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After a few years of married life , this guy finds that he is unable to perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works..
Finally the doctor says to him “this is all in your mind”, and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confess, ” I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured.”

Finally the psychiatrist refers him to witch doctor.. The witch doctor tells , “I can cure this”, and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke ……… The witch doctor says “This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say ‘123’ and it shall rise for as long as you wish!”

The guy then asks the witch doctor “What happens when it’s over?”

The witch doctor says “all you have to say is ‘1234’ and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!”

The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news……. So, he is lying in bed with her and says “123”, and suddenly he gets an erection..

His wife turns over and says “What did you say ‘123’ for?

Nurse’s hell

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A doctor died and was being screened for the destination of his soul’s eternal afterlife.

Unfortunately he’d been a bit of a lout and greedy to boot, so he wasn’t quite certain what to expect.

Upon his arrival at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter greeted him and informed the Doctor that he would be allowed to choose from one of the doors before him, but that because of his greed and misdeeds, he may find the choices rather disturbing.

Upon opening the first door, he saw fire and brimstone of truly Biblical proportions, a horrifying sight, so he quickly shut the door.

After looking through the second door, he was even more horrified to see various tortured souls ravaged by plague, disease, and other maladies too terrible to mention, while an evil guard stood watch.

Nervously he opened the third door to discover groups of white-coated male physicians, being waited on hand and foot by beautiful young women dressed in little more than nursing caps!

He rushed excitedly back to Saint Peter and said, “I’ll take the third door!”

“Oh, no, I’m afraid that’s not possible,” exclaimed Saint Peter. “That’s NURSE’S Hell!”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman

Nursing the Sick

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A happily married man had only one complaint, his wife was always nursing sick birds. One November evening, he came home to find a raven with a splint on its beak sitting in his favourite chair. On the dining room table there was a feverish eagle pecking at an aspirin while in the kitchen his wife was comforting a shivering little wren that she found in the snow. The furious spouse strode over to where his wife was towelling down the cold little bird.”I can’t take it any more! We’ve got to get rid of all of these darn…”The wife held up her hand to cut him off in mid-curse.”Please Dear,” she said, “Not in front of the chilled wren.”

Venancio consigui� trabajo pintando las

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Venancio consigui� trabajo pintando las rayas del asfalto. Cierto d�a se le acerca el jefe y le reclama:

“Venancio, has trabajado muy bien los primeros d�as, pero �ltimamente has bajado mucho tu calidad. Empezaste muy bien y ahorita andas muy abajo de tu promedio: la primer semana pintaste un kil�metro; la segunda semana 600 metros; la tercer semana 400 metros, y �ltimamente s�lo has pintado 200 metros, �qu� te ha pasado?”

Responde muy enojado Venancio:

“�Hombre, que cada vez me queda m�s lejos el bote de pintura!”

Un hombre llega a un

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Un hombre llega a un bar y ordena:

“�Mozo, 5 whiskis!”

Se los sirve el mozo y el hombre se los toma. Al rato de tom�rselos:

“�Mozo, 4 whiskis!”

El mozo se los lleva y �l se los toma. Al rato:

“�Mojo, 3 whisky!”

Pasa lo mismo:

“�Moho, 2 whiky!”

En eso, al tomarse los whiskis le dice al mozo:

“�Moho, por qu� ser� que entre meno tomo m� me curo!”

Lying Politicians

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A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried them. The sheriff then asked the old farmer, “Were they ALL dead?” The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”

Nerd at beach

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A textbook nerd is at the beach one day, baring his chest and showing off his pale, shrunken chest, and of course all the girls are laughing at him and drooling over the weight-lifting hunks. So in desperation the kid goes to the lifeguard and asks, “How can I do something to get these girls interested in me? What can I do to show off?”The lifeguard takes pity on this poor guy, with his puny muscles and baggy trunks and lanky hair, and finally he says, “Tell you what – why don�t you take a potato and stick it down your swim trunks. That way the girls will think you�ve got something really big and hard down there, and they�ll want you.”So the nerd decides to give it a try. He struts around the beach with a potato in his shorts, and all the girls give him weird, disgusting looks and tell him to get the hell out of there. The nerd can�t understand what�s going on, so he goes back to the lifeguard and asks, “What am I doing wrong? You said they�d like me if I put a potato in my shorts!”Without even batting an eye, the lifeguard says, “You gotta put the potato in the FRONT, kid!”