Knock KnockWho’s there?Mozart!Mozart who?Mozart is in museums!
Author: admin
If you don’t let me
If you don’t let me make you happy,
I’ll make you suffer.
-Ashleigh Brilliant
Washing washing washing……..
What do you call a president who washes a lot?
Answer:
George Wash-a-ton
Hab�a 3 homosexuales comentando entre
Hab�a 3 homosexuales comentando entre ellos que quer�an ser. El primero dice:
Yo quisiera ser mariposa.”
Los dem�s le dicen “�Mariposa?”
“S�, para volar, volar y volar.”
El segundo dice: “yo quisiera ser gallina.”
“�Gallina?”
“S�, imag�nate un gallo que te pise todos los d�as.”
El tercero dice: “yo quisiera ser ambulancia.”
“�Ambulancia?”
“�S�, te imaginas que te abran por detr�s, te metan un hombre entero y salir uuuiiiiiiiiiii!”
Yo mammas so fat…
your mammas so fat that she fell and rolled herself to sleep trying to get up
blind animals
There’s a blind rabbit and a blind snake that are friends. One day, the blind rabbit tells the blind snake that he doesn’t know what he is, because he can’t see. The blind snake takes ahold of the rabbit and says, “Well, you have long fur covered ears and a short little tail. You must be a rabbit.” The rabbit was happy to know what he was. He tells the blind snake, “Come here and I will try to determine what you are.” The blind rabbit feels the snake and finally says, “You’re cold and slimy and don’t have any balls. You must be a lawyer.”
Nerd Season
A truck driver, hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers, stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door that says, “COMPUTER NERDS NOT ALLOWED – ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!” He enters and sits down.
The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says that he smells kind of nerdy. He then asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver explains to him that he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender serves him a beer and says, “OK, truck drivers aren’t nerds.”
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in wearing a pair of glasses with tape around the middle, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt that is at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that.
The bartender replied, “Don’t worry. The computer nerds are in season because they are overpopulating Silicon Valley. You don’t even need a license.”
So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads for the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the road.
He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, snatching up all of the computers. The scavengers are comprised of engineers, accountants and programmers – computer geeks. Each of them wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.
He can’t let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly.
A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
The truck driver said, “What’s wrong? I thought computer nerds were in season.”
“Well, sure,” says the patrolman, “But you can’t bait ’em!”
What a Thermos Does
A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object. She asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?”The clerk replies, “That is a thermos.”The blonde then asks, “What does it do?”The clerk responds, “It keeps hot things hot and it keeps keeps cold things cold.”The blonde says, “I’ll take it!”The next day, she walks into work with her new thermos. Her blonde boss sees her and asks, “What is that shiny object you have?”She said, “It’s a thermos.”The boss then says, “What does it do?”She replies, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”The boss said, “Wow, what do you have in it?”The blonde replies, “Two cups of coffee and a popsicle.”
Won’t be yours
A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy.
When he wakes up he’s surrounded by several anxious looking doctors and asks nervously “Is there a problem?”
The head surgeon says gently, with tears in his eyes, “I’m afraid so…I’m sorry but your notes got mixed up and we’ve given you a sex change rather than a vasectomy.”
The patient is devastated and shockingly replies “Do you mean to say I’ll never experience another erection?”
The surgeon pauses for a moment then says “Well, you might, but it won’t be yours.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Short gender jokes
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. Any married man should forget his mistakes-there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Magic sandals
This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan.
They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop.
From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, “You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.”
So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, “I have some special sandals I think you’d be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.”
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?”
The Pakistani man replied, “Just try them on.”
Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn’t seen in many years— raw sexual power.
In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and started tearing at the guy’s pants.
All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, “YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!”.
The physician
A physician walked into an antique store, and began to look around. Suddenly,
he spied a large BRASS RAT in the corner. He fell in love with it, and so he
brought it up to the cashier.
“The rat, eh?” said the wizened old cashier.
“That’s right, how much,” replied the doctor.
“Well, five dollars for the rat–but 200 dollars for the story,” he answered
with a grin.
“I’ll just take the rat, without the story,” laughed the physician.
He left the store, his precious brass rat tucked under his arm.
Soon he began to hear a scurrying and squeaking noise behind him. When he
looked back, he noticed that a few rats were following him. After he had walked
a few more blocks, the number of rats behind him increased. This continued,
until there were virtually millions of rats behind him.
The physician panicked, ran to a pier overlooking the sea, and threw the rat
in. All of the rats plunged in after it, and met their watery deaths.
The physician ran back to the antique store. The old cashier was chuckling to
himself. “So now do you want the story?”
“No,” said the doctor, “but have you got any brass lawyers?