Why can’t the blonde put in a light bulb?Shey kept breaking them with the hammer.
Author: admin
THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER
The ant busts his tail in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool
and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm
and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
The New Liberal Version
The ant busts his tail in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool
and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter the ant is warm and
well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter.
Shivering, the grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why
the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and
starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up and provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper next to a film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table
filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of
such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association of Green Bugs)
shows up on Night Line and charges the ant with “Green Bias” and makes the case
that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism. Kermit the
frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when he sings
“its Not Easy Being Green.”
Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening
News and tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for
the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who
benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill refers to it, the
“Temperature Of The 80’s.”
Finally, the EEOC drafts the “Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act”
RETROACTIVE to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire
a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation
suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges
that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare moms who can only hear
cases on Thursday afternoon between 1:30 and 3:00 PM when there are no talk
shows scheduled. The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the
ant’s food while the government house he’s in, which just happens to be the
ant’s old house, crumbles around him since he doesn’t know how to maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant’s food,
they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of
Democrats announcing that a new era of “Fairness” has dawned in America.
MEGA MORON AWARDS
MEGA MORON AWARDS Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]
Q: How many heterosexual
Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco?A: Both of them.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Vivaldi!Vivaldi who?Vivaldi books,
Knock KnockWho’s there?Vivaldi!Vivaldi who?Vivaldi books, there’s nothing to read!
For Bird Lovers!
I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perch on my window sill.
He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles,
Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places,
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
Brought up the morning sun.
I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
And gently lowered the window
And crushed his freakin’ head!
Banana
What do you get when you cut a banana in two?
A BANANA SPLIT!
Parachute Race
A Blonde And A Brunette Go Parachuting. The Blonde jumps first,
pulls her parachute cord and is slowly drifting in the air and
enjoying the view.
The brunette jumps after her, pulls her parachute cord but
nothing happens. She pulls it again, this time as hard as she
can, still nothing. She pulls the cord to the emergency chute,
but that doesn’t open either. Falling like a speeding bullet,
she passes by the blonde.
The blonde looks at her and says, while getting her parachute
off her shoulders, “Sooo, you want to race, do you?
Air Heads
Poor Jim is killed in a Boston automobile accident, but happily he goes to heaven where he gets to meet God and asks God if he can ask him a few questions.”Sure. Go right ahead,” says the Almighty.”OK,” Jim says, “Why did you make women so pretty?””So you would like them,” God replies.”All right then,” Jim nods, “but come you made them so nice and soft and curvey?””So you would LOVE them,” God replies.Jim ponders a moment and then asks, “But why did you make them such air heads?”God replies, “So THEY would love YOU!”
Super Man
Your mama is so fat when she was born it took super man to pull her out.
Despu�s de mucho buscar, por
Despu�s de mucho buscar, por fin, un tipo encuentra trabajo como salvavidas en la playa. En su primer d�a estaba muy nervioso, cuando de pronto, una escultural belleza comienza a ahogarse.; el hombre se asusta y no sabe que hacer. Su jefe le grita:
“�Las tablas, las tablas! �Qu� no oyes? �Las tablas, pendejo!”
El tipo, todo asustado, se pone firmes y comienza:
“2×1=2, 2×2=4, 2×3=6…”
A Manolo le encantaba la
A Manolo le encantaba la pesca en hielo, por lo que un d�a decide hacerlo despu�s de mucho tiempo.
En cuanto lleg� al lugar, se instal� c�modamente y abri� un hoyo en el hielo; despu�s y procedi� a introducir el cordel del hilo de pesca. Tras uno cuantos minutos de espera, decidi� cambiarse de lugar. Al haber pasado cerca de media hora en espera de peces, se escucho una voz que dec�a:
“All� no hay peces”.
Ignorando esto, Manolo continu� pescando. Un rato despu�s, se escuch� nuevamente aquella voz:
“He dicho que all� no hay peces”.
Desconcertado, el tontiland�s suelta:
“�Acaso ser� Dios quien me habla?”
“�No, imb�cil, s�lo soy el encargado de esta pista de hielo!”, responde la voz.