Why did michealjakson and the squirl cross the road and turn back?
They both forgot there nuts.
Author: admin
Communicate
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Tommy, wanna play house?”
He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”
The girl replies, “I want you to communicate,” and he says to her, “that word is too big. I have no idea what it means.”
The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”
One Might Say
Some of the girls might say:
– God created men before women because you always make a rough
draft before a masterpiece.
– Do you believe in love at first sight or do you need me to
walk by you again?
– Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because your
boyfriend thinks so.
– Sex is like pringles, once you pop you can’t stop!
– God loves stupid people. That’s why he made so many.
– Only good girls go to heaven & I wasn’t invited (heh).
– Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark
cause children!
– It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion in the ocean.
– I might not be Fred Flintstone, but I sure can make your
bedrock.
– I have PMS and a gun, now what were you saying?
Some of the guys might say:
– MY dick is bigger than your bonner.
– Luvs a sensation caused by temptation. A guy stix his location
in a girls destination 2 increase the population 4 the next
generation-do you understand my explanation or do you need a
demonstration?
– I wish I could live like Donald Duck, pants suck.
– A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, a kiss isn’t a kiss
without some tongue, so open your mouth & close your eyes & give
your mouth some exercise!
– Don’t drink & drive. You might hit a bump & spill your beer.
– God gave me a brain & a penis and only enough blood to run one
at a time.
– If guys had their period, we’d probably brag about the size of
our tampons.
Area 51
You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?”
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot’s story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Las Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane … only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!”
MEGA MORON AWARDS
MEGA MORON AWARDS Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]
A bird in the hand is safer than two overhead….
A bird in the hand is safer than two overhead.
King Kong?
Lee: Our family’s descended from royalty.
Dee: King Kong?
Knock KnockWho’s there?Disguise!Disguise who?Disguise the
Knock KnockWho’s there?Disguise!Disguise who?Disguise the limit!
Clinton after Coitus
What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary Clinton after having sex?
“I will be home in 20 minutes, dear.”
Ironing accident
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her “What happened?”
She answered, “I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.”
“Oh Dear!” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. “But what happened to your other ear?”
“The son of a bitch called back.”
Submitted by Yisman
Edited by Curtis
What are you?
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy says “I’m a YUPPIE… you know, Young Urban Professional.”
The second guy says “I’m a DINK… you know, Double Income, No Kids.”
They asked the woman, “What are you?” She replied: “I’m a WIFE…you know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman, Tantilazing and Curtis
Knock KnockWho’s there?Vivaldi!Vivaldi who?Vivaldi books,
Knock KnockWho’s there?Vivaldi!Vivaldi who?Vivaldi books, there’s nothing to read!