El padre Juan est� jugando

El padre Juan est� jugando al golf con una monjita que hace las veces de c�dit (ayudante). Al llegar al primer hoyo, el cura falla el golpe, y grita enojado:

“�Carajo! Fall�. �Me cago en Dios!”

La monjita, asombrada, le dice:

“�Padre, por Dios! El Cielo lo va a castigar por decir malas palabras.”

Llegan al segundo hoyo y el padre vuelve a fallar.

“�Mierda! Fall�. �Me cago en Dios!”

“Padre, por Dios, no vuelva a repetir eso.”

Llegan al tercer hoyo y el padre �falla de nuevo!

“�Re-mierda! �Volv� a fallar! �Me cago en Dios!”

“Padre, �Dios lo va a castigar!”

En ese momento comienza a formarse una nube negra sobre sus cabezas. Se oyen truenos y cae un rayo que fulmina a la monjita. Entonces se oye una voz:

“�LA PUT�SIMA MADRE QUE ME PARIO! �FALL�! �ME CAGO EN M�!”

Sex & Poker

A little boy walks into his parents bedroom one night while they
are getting it on. The boy asks his father “What are you doing?”
The father replies “I’m playing poker.” The little boy then
asks, “What is mommy doing?” Dad says, “She’s my wild card.”
Without any more questions the little boy leaves the room.

The following night he stays with his grandparents. Once again,
he lets himself into the bedroom, where he sees them doing the
deed. He asks his grandpa “What are you doing?” Grandpa says
“I’m playing poker.” Confused, the little boy asks “And what is
grandma doing?” “She’s my wildcard.” Without any hesitation the
boy steps out of the room.

The next afternoon the boy gets caught by his dad in the
bathroom jacking off. His father asks him, “Son, what are you
doing?” He replies, “I’m playing poker.” With a startled look on
his face the father responds, “Where’s your wild card?” With a
smile on his face the boy turns to his father and says, “Why do
you need a wild card when you’ve got a good hand?”

wild card

One day a little boy named Bobby walked in on his parents having
sex. “What are you doing?” asked Bobby.

“We’re playing poker and your mom’s the wild card,” replied the
father.

So Bobby walked out and went into his brother’s room and saw his
brother and his girlfriend having sex. “What are you doing?”
asked Bobby.

“We’re playing poker and she’s the wild card,” replied his
brother.

So Bobby walked out and went to his room. Later on Bobby’s
father walked in. “What are you doing!?!” yelled his father.

Bobby replied, “I’m playing poker!”

“But where is your wild card?” asked his father.

Bobby replied, “With a hand like this who needs a wild card.”

Identifying Drivers from a Distance

HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM: One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California ***with gun in lap***: L.A. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another’s car: Colorado Junker, driven by someone who previously had a nice car and who is now wearing a barrel: Las Vegas Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida ‘seasoned citizen’ driver, also known as ‘no-see-um’

Osma Bin Laden

Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding on a camel
when they stopped at a small town. Bin Laden gets off the camel
and lifts up its tail and looks at the camel’s butt, just then a
guy comes over and says, “What are you doing?”

Osama replies, “About 2 miles back I heard someone say, ‘Hey,
look at the two assholes on that camel.”