Yours Fun Portal !
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Mira!
Mira who?
Miracle on 34th Street!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Mischa!
Mischa who?
Mischa a lot!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Missouri!
Missouri who?
Missouri loves compnay!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Mitzi!
Mitzi who?
Mitzi door shut, you’ll never know!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Monkey!
Monkey who?
Monkey won’t fit that’s why I knocked!
“WOMEN SEEKING MEN” Classifieds translationsRedhead means: Shops on the Clairol aisleReliable means: FrumpyReubenesque means: You can figure this one outRomantic means: Looks better by candle light
1) Bush gets endorsement from cast of Chico and the Man.
2) “Look I’m not a racist. I’m touching a minority.”
3) My brother-in-law? I’ve been calling him the gardener for seven years
“What’s your father’s occupation?” asked the school secretary on the first day
of the new term. “He’s a conjurer, Ma’am,” said the new boy. “How interesting.
What’s his favorite trick?” “He saws people in half.” “Golly! Now next question.
Any brothers and sisters?” “One half brother and two half sisters.”
Four potatoes were standing on the corner. Which one was the prostitute?The one that said I do hoe!
You walk into the bathroom american and come out of the bathroom american what are you in the bathroom???
European!!
. .
!
U
How do men define a “50/50” relationship?
Women cook, men eat; women clean, men get dirty; women iron, men wrinkle.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Calamjo
Q. How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A. Kick his sister in the jaw
A famer got up for breakfast, his wife was bent over at the kitchen table. The farmer said to his wife, “Honey, your but is bigger than a four row corn picker.”
The wife does not say anything. The farmer gets up after finishing his breakfast and heads out for the morning chores. Upon coming in for lunch his wife is bent over picking up something on the floor. The farmer says to his wife, “Ya know honey, I thought about it all morning and your butt is so big it is bigger than a 6 row corn picker.”
Once again, the farmers wife says nothing. The farmer leaves the lunch table to do his afternoon chores. At dinner he comes in and his wife is bent over at the kitchen sink doing dishes. The farmer says to his wife, “Honey I thought about it all afternoon. Your butt is so big it is bigger than an 8 row corn picker.”
Again, the wife says nothing. They have a nice dinner and she picks up the dishes and cleans the kitchen up. The farmer is in the livingroom when his wife enters and walks by him saying, “Honey, I am bushed. I think I am going to hit the sack.” The farmer gets up and starts to walk up the stairs behind his wife and get a little “Frisky.”
The farmers wife turns and looks at her husband and says, “If you think I am going to warm up this $100,000 piece of machinery for a half an ear of corn you gotto be kidden!”
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Clinton. So you want to buy the old Rye Brook place, that’s
2.2 million, and with the customary 20 percent down, that’s $440,000, leaving a
mortgage of $1,760,000. Now let’s have a look at your financial statements.
Let’s see, Mr. Clinton, you are the president of the United States, of course,
and your salary is $200,000 a year. We recommend buying a house that costs no
more than two and a half times your annual salary. That means you should be
looking for something around $500,000, perhaps a nice brick rancher?
And I see here that you’ll be out of a job in 16 months or so. What will you
do then? Open a library? In Little Rock? Arkansas? Wow. I bet that will be some
kind of moneymaker.
Mrs. Clinton, you’re running for Senate, right? Senators are paid $130,000
year-assuming, of course, she’s elected, so even with your pension you’re still
looking at a house in the $825,000 range. Maybe a nice center hall colonial.
Mrs. Clinton, you haven’t worked outside the house since 1991? But you did
some volunteer work, I see. You tried to overhaul the entire national health
care system? I see. But no one was interested? But you have other experience? I
see you had several business ventures back in Arkansas. How about this
Whitewater Development
Corp.? It went bankrupt. And Madison Guaranty? Bankrupt. And Castle Grande?
Bankrupt, too. You actually did go to Yale you claim? A little bad luck with the
law, too, I see. Three of your business partners went to jail.
This is embarrassing, I know, but we have to ask because it does, after all,
affect your ability to pay. Any problems in your marriage? No? Fine.
Let’s look at your assets: you owe $4.5 million Mr. Clinton? How do you expect
to pay that off? You’re hoping people will donate to a special fund? So
basically you’re relying on the kindness of strangers.
You also have some serious expenses. A kid at Stanford has got to be setting
you back $30,000 to $35,000 a year, probably more with the air fares. And she
wants to go to medical school?
Any legal problems? I see a $90,000 fine for perjury. I guess that rules out
putting your law degree to work. Say, how do we know you’re not lying on you
loan application? Of course it would look a lot better if you WERE lying.
Are there any other legal matters we should know about? Mrs. Clinton? You
don’t think she’s going to get hit with a perjury or obstruction of justice rap.
But we’re not totally sure, right? That means there’s a remote possibility-note
that I say “remote” that you could be trying to pay off a $1.76 million mortgage
while making 12 cents an hour stitching mailbags for the feds, and while Mr.
Clinton is trying to make a go of a library in Little Rock.
Let’s review the situation. One of you is now unemployed and the other one
soon will be. Your business partners are in jail. You have debts equivalent to
over 22 times your annual income that you’re hoping someone is going to come
along and pay. And a looming criminal indictment. Your tangible assets seem to
consist of an old Ford.
We�ll give you a call.
Drew’s Law of Highway Biology: The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and
says, ”Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?” Then the lady answered,
”Excuse me, I think this is a goose.” And the bartender says, ”Excuse me, I
was talking to the goose.”