DONT HIM ME OR I WILL YOU ANN TEMPLETON
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Author: admin
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? “Way to go team!”
After I stopped by this company’s booth at…
After I stopped by this company’s booth at the recent CD-ROM
conference, the following letter arrived here from a major CPU
manufacturer…
Dear Mr. Rubinsky:
Thank you for your [company name] literature order.
We are very sorry, but the following items that you have requested are
currently on backorder:
PRODUCT CODE DESCRIPTION EXPECTED ARRIVAL DATE
T217 Dear Customer Cover Letter FOUR WEEKS
Your order will be filled at the earliest possible date. In the
meantime, your patience in regard to this matter is greatly
appreciated.
Please feel free to call our Literature Distribution Center at
[800-number]. Our operators will be happy to help you place an order
for any additional literature, or refer you to your nearest [company
name] sales office to help you with any technical questions regarding
our products. If you call to check the status of your order, please
reference your order #[number].
Again, thank you for your order, and we hope to be of service to you in
the future.
Sincerely,
[empty space here] [company name] Literature Distribution CenterCuriously, one week earlier I received the literature I had requested
— without a cover letter.
‘Sex Statistics’
A man gets on train and sits next to a young woman reading a book called ‘Sex Statistics’
“Any good?” he asks.
“Fascinating,” she replies “Apparently, American Indians have the widest dicks, and Polish men the longest.
By the way I am Jane.”
“Hi,” he says, “I’m Tonto Palawlaski.”
Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo
2+2 = Play Ball!
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.”
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, “Okay, now concentrate… what is two plus two?”
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, “4?”
“Did you say 4?!?” the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on coach, give him another chance!”
Mop Bucket
Once there was a guy in a bar. He was drinking one beer after another. Finally, after all of the beer he had to piss. So he asked the Bar tender where the bathroom was. The Bar tender told him to go down the hall make a right, then make another right. About 5 minutes later the bar tender hears, “Ahhh Yeah.” So the bar tender goes down to the bathroom and asks the guy what his problem is. The guy said, “Every time I flush the toilet it squeezes my balls!” The bar tender busts through the door and the guy was pissing in a mop bucket.
Monica with Hoop Earings
Why does Monica Lewinsky wear hoop earings?
For stirrups.
A college student
A college student is home for the summer from college, and is looking for ajob. He goes to K-Mart, and fills out an application. A few days later, themanager calls him and asks him to come in for an interview, which the studentdoes. When the student arrives, the manager sits him down and says “Well sondo you think you have what it takes to work at ‘The Big K’? The studentthinks to himself, “is this guy fucking nuts?”, but nods his head and saysyes. The manager says ok, and tells the student he must get a lesson first onhow to deal with customers. They go to a cash register, and the managertells the student to watch him and learn what to do. The student agrees andafter a few minutes a customer comes to the counter, and throws down a bag ofGrass Seeds. The manager looks at the bag, and says ” Say, would you like alawnmower to cut that grass when it grows?” The customer thinks for a secondand says ” yeah, why the hell not.” The manager looks at the student and say “Son, do u think u can do that?” The student again thinks to himself ” Isthis guy fucking nuts?”, but nods says and says he does. A few minuteslater, another customer comes to the register to get checked out, and the manager tells the student to try it. The student agrees, while the customer throws a pack of tampons up on the counter. The student looks that thetampons and says ” Sir, would u happen to be interested in buying one of our grasscutters, they are on sale in aisle 8?” The customer looks at the student and says “Why the hell would I want to buy a grasscutter?” Thestudent looks at him and says ” well I just figured since u wouldn’t be getting any pussy this weekend, that u might wanna cut your grass instead!”
Jesus and the Redneck
An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the
waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and
asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?” The waitress nodded “yes�, so the
Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled
over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot
tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked�, Is that Jesus over
there?” The waitress nodded again, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of
hot tea, too.
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He
hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there sweet thang,how’s
about getting’ me a cold glass of RC!” He too, looked across the restaurant and
asked, “Is that God’s boy over there?” The waitress nodded again, so the Redneck
said to give Jesus a cold glass of RC, too.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him, and said,
“For your kindness, you are healed�. The Irishman felt the strength come back
into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him, and said, “For your
kindness, you are healed�. The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he
raised up his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the
door.
Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, “Hey,
man, don’t touch me…… I’m drawing’ disability!!!!!”
Dirty Paddy
An Irish wife was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards, she slipped over and did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband. ‘Paddy! Paddy!’ she yelled.
Paddy came running in. ‘Paddy I’ve suctioned myself to the floor,’ she said.
‘Ohhh nooo! Paddy said and tried to pull her up. ‘You’re just too heavy, love. I’ll go across the road and get Shamus.’
Paddy comes back with Shamus and they both tried to pull her up.
‘Nope, I can’t do it,’ Shamus said, ‘Let’s try plan C.’
‘Plan C?’ exclaimed Paddy. ‘What’s that?’
‘I’ll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we will break the tiles under her.’
‘Oh okay,’ Paddy said. ‘While you’re doing that I’ll stay here and play with her tits.’
‘Play with her tits?’ Shamus said. ‘Why would you do that? This is hardly the time.’
Paddy replied, ‘Well, I figure if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren’t so expensive to replace.’
Talking about it
A guy goes to the doctor with a mysterious pain and tells the doctor, “Doc, Doc, my penis has been burning lately.”
And the doctor says reassuringly, “Don’t worry son, that just means someone is talking about it.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
When a man and a woman get married they need…
When a man and a woman get married they need a Marriage License.
When Lesbians get married, they need a Licker License.