these three girls got ran over and go to heven.when they got there they saw ducks every where.
there was this sign that said”DO NOT STEP ON A DUCK OR FACE THE CONCEQUENCES!!!”one of them thought no one will find out so she stepped on one and this angel came.je said now you will be hooked onto this ugly guy for your whole life. so he puts this chain on her and this ugly guy.
the second one tried to get something to eat but she stepped on a duck.she got hooked on another ugly guy.
the third one thought if you sit there you could get a prize for not stepping on a duck. she sat there and the angel came to her. she thought she got a prize with the hottie guy coming over there.
she was happy but the angel said no your the ugly one.
Author: admin
Almost caught
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
“Hey, girls,” says the brunette one day, “let’s go home early tomorrow. She’ll never know.”
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss.
She quietly sneaks out of the house and vows to return home at her normal time the next day.
In the morning, the brunette says: “That was fun, we should do it again sometime.”
“No way,” says the blonde. “I almost got caught.”
Leek Limerick
There was a man from Leek.
Who instead of a nose had a beak.
It grew quite absurd, till he looked like a bird.
He migrates at the end of next week.
OPERATIONAL EXCELLENCE
OPERATIONAL EXCELLENCE?
Once upon a time, an American company and a Japanese company decided to have competitive boat race on the Bear River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they both felt as ready as they could be.
The Japanese won by a mile! Afterwards the American Team became very discouraged by the losses and morale began to sag. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A The “Continuous Improvement Team” was established to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
THEIR CONCLUSION: The problem was that the Japanese Team had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereby the American Team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some time and millions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that too many people were steering and not were rowing.
To prevent losing to the Japanese again, the American Team’s management structure was totally reorganized to three Steering Director, three Steering Managers, and two Steering Supervisors. Also a new performance system for the person rowing the boat was developed to give more incentive to work harder.
“We must give him empowerment and enrichment. That ought to do it.”
The next year the Japanese won by two miles.
Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower to “cut costs, sold all of the paddles, canceled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, gave a “Superior Performance” award to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.
Therapist
A couple, both age 67, went to a sex therapists office.
The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”
The man said, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?” The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse,” and charged them $32.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”
The old man said, “We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married and we can’t go to her house – I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. The Hilton charges $78. We do it here for $32, and I get $28 back from Medicare.
What babys are called when they go to heaven
Q- when a white baby dies where does he go?
A- he goes to heaven
Q- what does he get
A- wings
Q- what do they call them
A- angels
Q- when a black baby dies where does he go?
A- he goes to heaven
Q- what does he get
A- he gets wings
Q- what do they call them
A- a BAT
Attack dog
A man wanted an attack dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest,meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog. He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing at the cage.”He looks like he’d be a pretty good attack dog,” said the buyer.”Well, he’s not bad,” replied the owner, “but I have something better in mind for you.”They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger,meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage.”Ah,” said the buyer.”This must be the dog you were referring to earlier.””Well, no.” said the owner.”I have something better in mind for you.”The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a fairly large dog that was lying quietly on his side, licking his butt. He did not seem to notice as the men approached.”This is the dog I had in mind for you,” said the owner.The buyer was flabbergasted.”You’re joking!” he exclaimed.”This dog seems quite tame; he doesn’t act at all like an attack dog at all. Hell, he’s just lying there, licking his butt!””I know, I know,” said the owner.”But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he’s trying to get the taste out of his mouth.”
Not u me
DONT HIM ME OR I WILL YOU ANN TEMPLETON
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$10 pill
Grandpa and Grandma were spending a few weeks to visit with
their son and his family. One night, Grandpa found a bottle of
Viagra in his son’s medicine cabinet. He asked him about taking
one of the pills.
“Dad,” his son replied, “I really don’t think you should take
one. They’re very strong and besides that, they’re very
expensive.”
“How much?” asked Grandpa.
“$10 a pill,” was the answer.
“That ain’t bad,” responded Grandpa. “I’d like to try one. All I
have are $50 bills, so I’ll go break one and leave the money
under your pillow.”
The next morning the son found $110 under his pillow. So as soon
as he could, he spoke to Grandpa privately. “Dad, you gave me
$110 but I told you the pill only cost $10.”
“I know that, son,” Grandpa replied. “The extra hundred is from
Grandma.”
Your mama so fat…
Your mama so fat she emptied the sand out of her shoe and made egypt.
Trying for a Son
There was a middle aged couple, who had two stunningly beautiful teenaged blonde daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.After months of trying the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child.”Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered. then he gave her a stern look and asked,”Have you been fooling around on me?” The wife just smiled sweetly and said, “Not this time.
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? “Way to go team!”