On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
“38 years on the same spot.”
Author: admin
What is the difference between roast beef…
What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Eveybody can roast beef.
What do you say to
What do you say to an [ethnic] with a job?
– “Burger and Fries please.”
The Vet/Taxidermist
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying,
“Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy –
Either way, you get your dog back!”
Sex
HA YOUR STUPID
Stomach Problems
A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly or something.
So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. Thus, he calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home. Suddenly the man screams in disgust. “What’s the matter?” asked his wife. “Did I hurt you?”
“No,” replies the man, “but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders.”
Sweet
You are so sweet you took Hershey Chocolate out of buisness
Chemist’s last words
The last words of a chemist:22. Something is wrong here…23. Where do all those holes in my kettle come from?24. Trust me – I know what I am doing.25. And now a cigarette…
New Rooster
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was doing his job okay, but he was getting on in years. And the farmer figured it wouldn’t hurt anything. So he gets a young cock and and lets it loose in the barn yard. The old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried. So, they are trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster. I’ve got to do something about this.
He walks up to the new bird and says,”So, your the new guy in town. I bet you think you’re really hot stuff don’t you? I’m not exactly ready for the chopping block yet. I bet I’m still the better bird and to prove it, I challenge you to a race around the hen house over there. We’ll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens to himself.”
Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. “You’re on,” said the young rooster. “And since I know I’m so great, I’ll even give you a head start of half a lap. I’ll still win easily,” said the young cocky rooster.
So, the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race and all the hens gather around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guys lead has slipped a little but he’s still hanging in there.
Unfortunately the old roosters lead continued to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he just barely led the young rooster. By then the farmer had heard all the commotion. He ran into the house, got his shot gun, and ran out to the barn yard figuring a fox or something was after his chickens. When he got there, he saw the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately took his shot gun, aimed, fired, and blew the young rooster away.
He walked away slowly, saying to himself……………… “Damn, that’s the third gay rooster I’ve bought this month.”
How a man can tell if a woman has PMS
She stops reading Glamour and starts reading Guns and Ammo.
She considers chocolate a major FDA food group.
She puts on one of those pads with “wings,” then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding a broom.
She’s developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles.
She retains more water than Lake Superior.
She denies she’s in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semiautomatic and “chambers one.”
She buys you a new T-shirt—–with a bulls-eye on the front.
You ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says,”All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?”
She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm.
She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, and then mauls the manager because they’re out of Diet Coke.
Kilts Are Awesome
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away!
Q: How many Pentium
Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: 586 of them, and it will take them a year from the moment you convince them that the lightbulb is not functioning per the spec.