Author: admin

One day a preist was out on the lake fishing, when he saw a man not to
far away reeling in a fish. He then started his boat and drove over to
the man. The man reels this fish out of the water and exclaimes “now
would you take a look at that sombitch”.

The preist, quite shocked says “you can’t say that around me, I am a
man of the cloth. The fisherman says “no you don’t understand, that is
the name of the fish”. So the preist appologizes for his mistake, and
this man then tells him to take the fish home, no hard feelings.

This preist thinks this is a rather unusual fish, so he takes it to the
bishop, and tells him, take a look at this fish. The father is quite
impressed with the size of the fish, but then the preist adds “thats a
big sombitch father”. The bishop utterly in a panic tells the preist
not to say that in the house of god, or he will surely be struck down.
“No, no, you don’t understand, that is the name of the fish”. He then
appologizes likewise, and they both decide to take this to the pope.

So these two men take the fish to the pope, and the pope replies “That
is a very nice looking fish gentleman”. The bishop pipes up and says,
yes, a very nice looking sombitch isn’t it”. The priest then replies
with a similar remark. The pope in a raging fury tells the men that
they have both just been excommunicated for their blatend sinning in the
house of God. The two men proceed to tell the pope that “sombitch” is
the name of the fish. After appologizing, the pope agrees to take the
fish to the heavenly mother and have her cook it up for supper.

That evening at dinner, a new priest to the convent is sitting down to
dinner with these three men. First the elder preist says “this is a
good sombitch”, then the bishop says “yes, I wish I could go out and
catch me some more of these sombitches” and finally the pope says “would
you please pass me some more of that sombitch”. The new guy looks at
the three and laughs. He then extorts “By God, you mother-f**kers are
alright.”

1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove
all your clothes when the light goes out.

2. IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs

3. IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder
yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.

4. IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty
the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

5. ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by
this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft.
Please use side entrance)

6. OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP: We exchange anything – bicycles,
washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a
wonderful bargain.

7. QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point
will be drowned. By order of the District Council.

8. NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER’S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their
garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

9. IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.

10. SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car

11. SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and
doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the first floor.

12. NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the
field for free, but the bull charges.

13. MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will
tell you how to get lessons.

14. ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock
hard on the door – the bell doesn’t work)

15. SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of
order. Please use floor below.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the Federal Government. That leaves 19 million to do the work.

Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.

Take from that the 14,800,000 who work for State and Local Governments and we are left with 200,000 to do the work.

There are 188,000 ill and in hospitals, so we now have 12,000 to do the work.

Now there are 11,998 people in prisons so there are just two people left to do the work, you and me.

AND YOU ARE SITTING THERE MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR E-MAIL!