Author: admin

Este era un lorito muy

Posted on by admin

Este era un lorito muy tir�n, y todos los d�as se cog�a a los animales de la tienda donde se encontraban, hasta que un d�a una se�ora lo decide comprar.

La se�ora ten�a una gata, y todos los d�as al llegar a la casa ve�a a la gata toda exhausta, y dec�a: “Ohhhh se han cogido a la gata”.

As� pas� una semana, hasta que tom� al loro y le dijo: “�Si ma�ana te coges a la gata te encierro en el refrigerador!”

Al d�a siguiente la gata estaba cogida otra vez y la mujer encerr� al loro en el refrigerador. Pasaron tres dias, y se acord� del loro, y cuando abre la puerta del refrigerador ve al loro todo sudado y �ste le dice:

“�CO�O, ESE POLLO SI QUE TIENE EL CULO DURO!”

Blonde on the freeway

Posted on by admin

A blonde is driving down the freeway in her car when her boyfriend calls on the cell phone. When she picks up the phone he says, “Hi honey, it’s me, I just wanted to call and tell you to be careful, it says on the news that there is a car driving the wrong way on the freeway.” She says, “There’s not one, there’s hundreds of them!!”–Submitted by: Courtney W.

ONLY CRAYON

Posted on by admin

Coming out of the shower i grab a towel and begin to dry my face. something
smells funny so i pull the towel off to investigate. staring me in the face is a
long, thick brown streak. my heart skips a beat as i realize i’ve just dried my
face in somebody’s fecal matter. further examination reveals brown spots all
over the towel.
completely grossed out i jump back into the shower and scrub three layers of
skin off my face.
after i’ve finished i go downstairs, towel in hand, to ask my wife how this
could happen. how could she allow the girls the freedom to wipe their asses in
the towels?
“oh,” she said, “that�s not poop. there was a brown crayon in the dryer and it
melted all over the towels.”
“what?” i stammer as relief floods over me. but then relief turns to
irritation. “why didn’t you rewash them? did you want to give me a heart attack?
i just scrubbed five pounds of flesh off my face thinking it was s***!”
“no, i just didn’t want to waste a wash cycle washing clean stuff.”
“but, honey,” i say slowly so she could understand, “it ain’t clean!”
“oh, you big baby, it’s only crayon.”
it’s only crayon… i tell you, i wasn’t even drinking but i nearly got s***
faced!

This is reaaally funny!

Posted on by admin

My friend is a rather old-fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant,
especially in language. She and her husband were planning a trip to Florida so
she wrote to a campground they planned to visit and asked for a reservation. She
wanted to make sure that the campground was fully equipped, but didn’t quite
know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn’t bring herself to
write the word “toilet” in her letter.

After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old fashion term
“bathroom commode.” But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was
being too forward, so she rewrote the letter and reffered to the bathroom comode
simply as the “B.C.”

“Does the campground have its own B.C.?” is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn’t old-fashioned at all, and when he got the
letter, he just couldn’t figure out what the woman was talking about!
That “B.C.” buisness really stumped him. After worrying about it for awhile,
he showed the letter to several campers, and they couldn’t imagine what the lady
meant, either. So, after coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking
about the location of the local Baptist church, the owner sat down and wrote the
following reply:

“Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take
the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located 9 miles north of the
campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
It is located in a beautiful pine grove and is open only on Sundays and
Wednesdays. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going
regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of
people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early
and stay late.
My daughter met her husband at the B.C. The last time my wife and I went
was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand the whole time we were
there. Sometimes it is so crowded that there are five to a seat. It may interest
you to know that there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats.
They are going to hold it in the basement of the B.C.
I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more
regularly, but it is surely not do to lack of desire on my part. As we grow
older it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in the cold weather.
“If you decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with
you.

College Senior vs Freshman

Posted on by admin

College Seniors vs. Freshman
Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.

Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.

Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation
class.

Freshman: Calls the professor “Teacher.”
Senior: Calls the professor “Bob.”

Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it’s more than three blocks away.

Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorizes the professor’s habits to get a good grade.

Freshman: Know a book–full of useless trivia–about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.

Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop
tarts in hand.

Freshman: Has to ask where the computer labs are.
Senior: Has his ‘own’ personal workstation.

Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.
Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October…maybe.

Freshman: Looks forward to the first classes of the year.
Senior: Looks forward to the first beer garden of the year.

Freshman: Is proud of his A+ on Calculus I midterm.
Senior: Is proud of not *quite* failing his Complex Analysis midterm.

Freshman: Calls his girlfriend back home every night.
Senior: Calls Domino’s every other night.

Freshman: Is appalled at the class size and callousness of profs.
Senior: Is appalled that the campus Subway burnt down over the summer.

Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional
questions.
Senior: Offers to ‘tutor’ conscientious frosh of the opposite sex.

Freshman: Goes on grocery-shopping trip with Mom before moving onto campus.
Senior: Has a beer with Mom before moving into group house.

Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits him, the
unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand one’s
horizons and really make a contribution to society.
Senior: Is excited about the new dryers in the laundry room.

Freshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in class.
Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class.

Ten signs you have a lame computer virus

Posted on by admin

10. All the adult sites now have photos of nude Bill Gates. 9. You turn on the computer and it starts spitting out $50 bills. 8. Attacks processor by decreasing RAM by 20MB–basically turns cursor into Ms. Pac-Man. 7. All your software now registered to some guy named “Shecky.” 6. Erases hard drive, replaces it with exactly what was there before. 5. You now have access to only 48,765 ‘N Sync sites. 4. Every time you type the phrase “saucer of milk,” computer meows. 3. Turns computer monitor into television that only shows CBS. 2. Emails your friends telling them you actually bought one of those George Foreman grills. 1. It’s programmed to go off sometime in the year 1963. Source: David Letterman show