Author: admin

Noted Dough Boy Dies…

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Noted Dough Boy Dies

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe
yeast infection He was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the biggest
funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs.
Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the
Hostess Twinkies The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime
friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who
“never knew he was kneaded”.

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with
turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of
his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he
was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife.
They had two children, and…
one in the oven.

A guy phones a law office and says: “I want…

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A guy phones a law office and says: “I want to speak to my lawyer.” The
receptionist replies “I’m sorry but he died last week.”
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist
replies “I told you yesterday, he died last week.”

The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this
time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says “I keep telling you
that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?”

The guy says, “Because I just love hearing it.”

It Takes A Village…

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Monica didn’t get paid for working in the White House…she did it for a GAG!

The new favorite dish in the White House is the Clinton stew.
One weenie in hot water.

Clinton has given up the Saxophone…instead he’s learning how to play the
whore-Monica.

Bill: “I didn’t tell her to lie in the DEPOSITION…I told her to lie in THAT
there position!”

Bill Clinton accused Monica of not following the party line…He says she only
paid lip service to it.

Clinton hired Johnny Cochran for his defense. The new line is…”If she spit,
you must aquit!”

Mr. Clinton paid an unscheduled visit to a US Women’s Luge Team practice, just
before the team left for Nagano, Japan, shortly after hearing that they were
already lying on their backs.

The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at
Bill Clinton during his morning jog. Fortunately, it was a draft, so he was
able to dodge it.

Hillary just hired a new White House intern … LORENNA BOBBIT!

Most people worry about getting AIDS from SEX.
Bill worries about getting SEX from AIDES!

The president got a dog so that Hillary wouldn’t be confused when she walked
past the Oval Office and heard, “Roll over, sit, stay. Good. Now here’s your
bone.”

Hillary’s new book: “It Takes A Village…”
“…To Satisfy My Husband”

Poisonous Mushrooms

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A wife’s was at her 5th late husband’s grave. She was crying,
but she got over her despair when a man came over to her.
“What’s happened?” He said. “My 5th husband died just 2 days
ago.” She said. “Oh, I’m quite sorry. How’d your 1st husband
die?” He said. “Poisonous mushrooms.” She replied.

After replying for a minute with the same answer. “So how did
this husband die?” He said, in a bored voice, after hearing
“Poisonous mushrooms” as an answer for the last 4 questions.
“Fractured skull” She said. “Oh my gosh! How?” He said. “He
wouldn’t eat my poisonous mushrooms.”

Insults 9

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Take off that mask! Don’t you think it’s a little early for Halloween?

Talk is cheap, but so are you.

That’s a very meaty question and I’d like to give it a very meaty answer
-baloney!

The closest she/he’ll ever get to a brainstorm is a slight drizzle.

The cream rises to the top. So does the scum.

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

Morticians

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Three morticians were having a few drinks one night and started discussing their hardest cases. The first said I believe I had the hardest. I had a young man that ran into a tree, it took a week before I could show him.The second smiled, “That’s nothing” he said. I had this couple that hit a train. It took two weeks before I could show them.The third grinned and said “You two didn’t have anything, I had a woman who jumped off a ten story building. She landed on a fire hydrant. It took me three weeks to get the smile off her face.

El presidente de un pa�s

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El presidente de un pa�s latinoamericano re�ne a todo el mundo en el Palacio de Gobierno, prensa y medios de comunicaci�n inclu�dos, para anunciar algo importante. Entonces llega y dice:

“Compatriotas, les tengo 2 noticias, una buena y una mala.”

Entonces todo el mundo: “�Cual es la buena?”

“La buena es que ya pagamos la deuda externa con Estados Unidos.”

“�Y la mala?”

“�Pues que tenemos quince dias para desocupar el pais!”

No Great Loss

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Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy.” One little boy stands up and offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.””No,” Clinton says, “That would be an ACCIDENT.”A girl raises her hand. “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside…that would be a tragedy.””I’m afraid not,” explains Clinton. “That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.”What?” asks Clinton, “Isn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: “If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy.””Wonderful!” Clinton beams. “Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?””Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!”