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The Top 10 Signs You’ve Got Furbymania

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10. You’re lined up before opening at the gas station convenience store just in case they have unadvertised Furbies.

9. Common thread among your 17 murder victims this week? All were previous Furby owners.

8. You hit the line, bounced left, but couldn’t see daylight, ran up the back of the guy in front of you, juked again, spun right and then, with a final stiff arm to Mrs. Edna P. Wilson, snagged the last Furby!

7. You’ve upped your Furby offer to “$10,000, plus an hour with my wife.”

6. Your kid’s jokes about wanting the new “Tickle-Me Cabbage Furby” results in a little visit to the ER for some defibrillation.

5. Santa is pressing charges after you decided to search his pants for hidden Furbies.

4. Looks like little Susie will get her Furby after all, and little Johnny will be pretty happy with the 3 human hands still clutching the Furby box.

3. Thanks to a copious supply of back hair, you were able to successfully strip naked in the aisle and get in on some of that Furby paw-and-grab action.

2. In a smoky bunker lit by a single bulb, you pore over Toys ‘R’ Us blueprints in preparation for the next Furby shipment.

1. In a crazed effort to please your 4-year-old, you’ve brought home more dead rodents than your cat.

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]

[ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]

It’s Dark in Here

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Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his
computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all
of the bickering.
Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two
hours and I will judge who does the better job.”
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They mouse. They
did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They
sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy
reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their
time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain
poured and, of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the
underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and
each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I
lost everything when the power went out!”
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past
two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.
“Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?”
God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”

Noted Dough Boy Dies…

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Noted Dough Boy Dies

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe
yeast infection He was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the biggest
funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs.
Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the
Hostess Twinkies The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime
friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who
“never knew he was kneaded”.

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with
turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of
his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he
was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife.
They had two children, and…
one in the oven.

El presidente de un pa�s

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El presidente de un pa�s latinoamericano re�ne a todo el mundo en el Palacio de Gobierno, prensa y medios de comunicaci�n inclu�dos, para anunciar algo importante. Entonces llega y dice:

“Compatriotas, les tengo 2 noticias, una buena y una mala.”

Entonces todo el mundo: “�Cual es la buena?”

“La buena es que ya pagamos la deuda externa con Estados Unidos.”

“�Y la mala?”

“�Pues que tenemos quince dias para desocupar el pais!”

Poisonous Mushrooms

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A wife’s was at her 5th late husband’s grave. She was crying,
but she got over her despair when a man came over to her.
“What’s happened?” He said. “My 5th husband died just 2 days
ago.” She said. “Oh, I’m quite sorry. How’d your 1st husband
die?” He said. “Poisonous mushrooms.” She replied.

After replying for a minute with the same answer. “So how did
this husband die?” He said, in a bored voice, after hearing
“Poisonous mushrooms” as an answer for the last 4 questions.
“Fractured skull” She said. “Oh my gosh! How?” He said. “He
wouldn’t eat my poisonous mushrooms.”

Morticians

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Three morticians were having a few drinks one night and started discussing their hardest cases. The first said I believe I had the hardest. I had a young man that ran into a tree, it took a week before I could show him.The second smiled, “That’s nothing” he said. I had this couple that hit a train. It took two weeks before I could show them.The third grinned and said “You two didn’t have anything, I had a woman who jumped off a ten story building. She landed on a fire hydrant. It took me three weeks to get the smile off her face.