Emile Heskey.
Author: admin
Un muchacho se llamaba Pascual
Un muchacho se llamaba Pascual Arroyo y estaba en la escuela. La maestra siempre llamaba a los estudiantes para que dijeran “�Presente!”, y cuando la maestra dec�a: “Pascual Arroyo,” �l contestaba: “Me pica el jollo.”
Llegaba el otro d�a y �l volv�a a decir “me pica el jollo”, y a la maestra le molestaba mucho.
Un d�a a la maestra se le ocurri� decir el nombre al rev�s, y llega el d�a de clase y la maestra dice:
“�Arroyo Pascual!”
Y �l le contesta:
“�Me pica igual!”
Sore throat
A man with a terrible sore throat walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something to relieve it.
The pharmacist says, “Well, I could give you any number of things but they won’t really do you much good. However, I can tell you what I do when I have a bad sore throat like you have.”
“Really? What’s that?” asks the man.
“I go straight home and have my wife give me a good blow job. I suggest you try that.”
“Sounds great!” says the man, “Is your wife home now?”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by ���rt��
Scared Alligator
One day, Grandma sent her grandson Peter down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma’s kitchen.
“Now, where’s my bucket and my water?” Grandma asked him.
“I can’t get any water from that water hole, Grandma.” cried Peter. “There’s a BIG ol’ alligator down there!
“Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, Peter. He’s been there for a few years now, and he’s never hurt no one. Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”
“Well, Grandma,” replied Peter, “If he’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain’t fit to drink!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
She opens the car door.
How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.
Bear and Toilet
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?A: Winnie the Pooh!
Things to Do on an Airplane
– When the flight attendant asks you if you would like some
peanuts, say, “Whoa! slow down there! we barely know each other!”
– Yell “Fire in the hole!”
– Ring for the flight attendant and then ask “are we there yet?”
– When it’s sleeping time, after a while, see if you can go to
every row and open up the windows.
– Call for an all-out food fight and see if you can get people
to join in.
– When eating, ask the stranger next to you, “Are you gonna eat
that?”
– Before going to the bathroom, ask the flight attendant if the
bathroom is (make up a word) like “is this bathroom
intersaniable?” Or “is this bathroom non malapated?”
– When watching the movie, change the sound channels of the
stranger next to you without him noticing.
– Yell “There’s something on the wing!!!”
Eating Jell-o
What’s the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o?
Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
Kids View of Marriage and Relationships
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
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“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.” Alan, age 10
“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.” Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
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“Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.” Camille, age 10
“No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.” Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
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“Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.” Eddie, 6
“You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.” Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
————————————————–
“Both don’t want no more kids.” Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
———————————-
“Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8.
“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
——————————————————–
“I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.” Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
——————————-
“When they’re rich.” Pam, age 7
“The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.” Curt, age 7
“The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.” Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
————————————–
“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.” Anita, 9
“Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I’d just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing.” Kirsten, age 10
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
————————————————————–
“There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?” Kelvin, age 8
“You can be sure of one thing – the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now.” Roberta, age 7
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
———————————–
“Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.” Ricky, age 10
Fantasy Beings’ Fair Housing Commission
As an investigator for the Fantasy Beings’ Fair Housing Commission, Ferdinand Feghoot was assigned to look into complaints that the town of Donnybrook was systematically excluding the fictive.The Mayor of Donnybrook was indignant. ‘That’s nonsense!’ he fumed. ‘Why, we have several families of Hobbits living here, the principal of our high school is an Elf, and one of our aldermen is an Orc.’Feghoot shook his head sadly. ‘That,’ he replied, ‘is only . . . Tolkien integration.'(By Alan Follett based on a character by Richard Bretner)
El marido llega a su
El marido llega a su casa a las cuatro de la ma�ana, despu�s de una juerga, y se acerca sigilosamente a la cama. Toma el reloj y lo atrasa cuatro horas, y empieza a desvestirse. Al sentirlo, la mujer se despierta y le reclama:
“�Qu� horas de llegar? �Vago! �Parrandero!”
“�Pero si son las 12! �Por qu� me reclamas? En lugar de eso, deber�as ser m�s considerada y traerme un vaso con agua”.
La mujer ve que efectivamente son las 12, y se levanta a traer el agua, pero al llegar a la cocina ve en el reloj que son las cuatro y regresa a la rec�mara hecha una fiera.
“�Mentiroso, borracho! �Son las cuatro de la ma�ana!”
“�Es cierto! �Cuatro horas para traerme un vaso de agua? �D�nde andabas, perdida?”
Holy water
How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it!