How many animals can you find in a woman’s pantyhose?There are 10 little piggies… 2 calves… an ass… a beaver… and a fish no one can find
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Good Sneeze!
Patient: Doctor, ya gotta help me. Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm. Doctor: Really! What are you taking for it? Patient (with a grin): Black pepper!
Your brain
Your brain is so small that if they put it on the edge of a razor blade, it would look like a BB rolling down an eight lane highway.
Thoughts from work
Thoughts and stories from on the job
My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a
rage, “Is this what you get paid for ?” I told him, “Nope ! I do this for free.”
This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff
too. I remember once he posted a sign which read “Today is the tomorrow you
worried about yesterday.” I couldn’t resist and added a note: “And now you know
why too”.
Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder
with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said,
“Yeah, how does this thing work ?” I took the papers from her hand and
demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another
confused expression, so I said, “Any questions ?” She said, “Yeah, exactly where
do the copies come out from ?”
People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah ??? When’s the
last time ya ever heard of anyone who “rested to death”.
Being punctual in our Office was of no benefit what-so-ever. There was never
anybody around to appreciate it.
Our Office was always on the cutting edge of technology. Not only did we have
computers which spoke as well as listened; Hell, some of them even got ulcers.
Did ya ever notice the people who complain the most about not having enough
time to do all their work are the same ones who always stop & tell everyone that
they don’t have enuff time to do all their work.
Bill Gates an his new wife
Bill Gates recently got married. After the wedding, Bill and his new wife got
back to their honeymoon suite and later, of course, they crashed into bed.
Apparently things didn’t work out pretty well for Bill that night, and the
next morning his new wife got up, pointed at the embarrassed Bill Gates and
rather annoyed she said: “Now I know why your company is called what it’s
called!”
Sea World
yo mamas so fat she had to get baptised at sea world.
Arnold:the musical
Stallone, Tony Danza ,and Arnold Swarzanagger are all going to be in a musical about famous composers.
Stallone wants to be Mozart, Danza says he’ll be Bethoven, and Swarzanagger says “I’ll be Bach!”
By doing the splits.
Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.
What do you call 88 rednecks…
What do you call 88 rednecks in an orgy?
A family reunion.
The horses in the race
The horses in the race are:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Clean Sheets
3. Bare Belly
4. Thighs
5. Silk Panties
6. Big Johnson
7. Conscience
8. Heavy Bosom
9. Jockey Shorts
10. Merry Cherry
At the post: Aaaaaand they’re off !!! Conscience is left behind at
the post. Jockey Shorts and Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is
being pressured. Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big
Johnson in a very tight spot.
At the halfway mark: It’s Bare Belly on top. Thighs opens up and
Big Johnson is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against
Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At the stretch: Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is
making the final drive. Passionate Lady is coming.
At the finish: It’s Big Johnson giving everything he’s got !!!…and
Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer !!! It
looks like a dead heat but BIG JOHNSON squirts through and wins by a
head!!!
WHOHHH!! Heavy Bosom weakens, and Thighs pull up. Clean Sheets never had
a chance…………
Funny Van Goghs
Van Gogh After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:
* His dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh
* The brother who ate prunes: Gotta Gogh
* The brother who worked at a convenience store: Stopn Gogh
* The brother who bleached his clothes white: Hue Gogh
* The cousin from Illinois: Chica Gogh
* His magician uncle: Wherediddy Gogh
* His Mexican cousin: Amee Gogh
* The Mexican cousin’s American half brother: Grin Gogh
* The nephew who drove a stage coach: Wellsfar Gogh
* The constipated uncle: Can’t Gogh
* The ballroom dancing aunt: Tan Gogh
* The bird lover uncle: Flamin Gogh
* His nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
* The fruit loving cousin: Man Gogh
* An aunt who taught positive thinking: Wayto Gogh
* The little bouncy nephew: Poe Gogh
* A sister who loved disco: Go Gogh
* His Italian uncle: Day Gogh
* The second cousin with the tiny car: Yu Gogh
* And his niece who travels the country in a van: Winnie Bay Gogh
Yo mama’s So Stupid
Yo’ mama so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.