A woman ordered a new stove from a retailer. However, the stove was delivered while the woman was at work one day.When the woman got home, she noticed that the new stove had been installed and her old stove was missing. She frantically called the retailer and asked, “Where is my old stove?”The retailer replied that she just had a new one delivered to her. The woman asked again “Where is my old stove?”The retailer replied. “Your new stove has all the latest features” and he proceeded to list them all.The woman interrupted “Where is my old stove?”The retailer concerned and bewildered asked the woman why she wanted to know where her old stove was.The woman replied in anguish ” My dinner is in the oven!”
Author: admin
Q: How many Oregonians
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest about the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it.
The letter “g”.
Q: What do you find at the end of everything?
A: The letter “g”.
Un cubano regres� de Nueva
Un cubano regres� de Nueva York. Se encuentra a un amigo que le pregunta:
“Oye chico, �y que e’ lo que ma’ te gut� a ti de Niu Yolk?”
“Oye, chico, pue’ Madona”
“Ya lo creo chico, �Madona! �Qu� tetas! �Qu� culo! �La madre que la pari� a esa Madona!”
“No, chico, a m� lo que me guta de Madona son lo Big Mac, la papitas fritas, la soda y lo juguetito”.
George W and the VP…
George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking,
when George W. said, “I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me.”
Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, “Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”
Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.
“Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I’m home,” said Cheney.
The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, “See! That guy was really stupid!”
“No kidding,” replied George W. “There was a pay phone just around the corner…
You could have called instead?”
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The…
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the
second. “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own
bungee-jumping service in Mexico.” The second guy thinks this is
a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything
they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they
are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly,
more and more people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when
he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts
and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able catch him,
he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is
bruised and bleeding. Again,the second guy misses him. The first
guy falls again and bounces back up.
This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of
broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy
finally catches him this time and says, “What happened? Was the
cord too long?”. The first guy says, “No, the cord was fine, but
what the heck is a pinata?”
Insane Inmates at a Ball Game
A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the
national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up nuts!” and the inmates complied
by standing up.
After the anthem he yelled, “Down Nuts!” and they all sat. After a home run he
yelled, “Cheer nuts!” and they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking
things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot-dog, leaving
his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress.
Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, “Well…
everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ‘PEANUTS!'”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Fez!Fez who?Fez me,
Knock KnockWho’s there?Fez!Fez who?Fez me, that’s who!
Number of physicians in the US: 700,000….
Number of physicians in the US: 700,000.
Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000.
Accidental deaths per physician… 0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health & Human
Services)
Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000.
Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) 1,500.
Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188
Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than
gun owners.
“FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but everyone has at least one
Doctor.”
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors
before this gets out of hand.
As a Public Health Measure I have withheld the statistics on Lawyers for
fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical aid.
An A
Students at a New England university operated a “bank” of term papers and
other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs.
The “bank” had A grade, B grade, and C grade papers, since it would be
rather suspicious if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a
brilliant essay.
A student, who had spent the weekend on pursuits other than his
assignment, went to the “bank” and purchased a paper with an inconspicuous
C grade. He then retyped it and handed in the work to his professor. In
due course, the student received the paper back with the professor’s
comments, which read… “I wrote this paper myself 25 years ago and I
always thought it should have been graded an A, so now I’m more than
pleased to give it one!”
Sits in the Forest
What’s brown and sits in the forest?Winnie’s Pooh.
Where Am I!!!
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical
malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and
communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not
determine the helicopter’s position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten
sign, and held it in the helicopter’s window. The pilot’s sign said “WHERE AM
I?” in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large
sign, and held it in a building window.
Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER OVER SEATTLE.”
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to
the Seattle airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the “YOU ARE
IN A HELICOPTER” sign helped determine their position?
The pilot responded “I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building, because
similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but totally
useless answer!”