Q. How do you know when your cat’s done cleaning himself?
A. He’s smoking a cigarette.
Author: admin
How many programmers does it take to screw…
How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
Pencil Mania
Q. Where is the biggest pencil in the world found?
A. In Pennslyvania(pencil vania)HA HA HA!
Yo mama
yo mamas so fat all streets became one way
The dog ate it!
“Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.
“My dog ate it,” was his solemn response.
“Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?”
“It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear,” insisted Johnny. “I had to force him, but he ate it!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman
Car and garage
This little girl wants to take bath with her dad she says dad can i take a bath with you?Her dad says okay.Then the little girl asks whats that daddy?Thats my Car said dad.Then a couple of minutes later the little girl wants to take a bath with her mom.She ays mom can I take a bath with you?Okay.Then the little girl asks whats that mommy?The mom says thats my garage.then later on the little girl hears the doorbell.She answers the door and the lady asks are your mom and dad busy?Yes my dads parking his car in my moms garage!
Jew
Q:what does a jew say when he walks into a wall with a hard on
A: ouch my nose
Mime’s Job in the Zoo
One day a mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a
street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zoo keeper
grabs him and drags him into his office.
The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo’s most popular
attraction, a gorilla, died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance
at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the
gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning before the crowd arrives the mime puts on the gorilla
suit and enters the cage. He discovers that it’s a great job. He can sleep
all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws larger crowds than
he ever did as a mime on the street.
However, eventually the crowd tires of him and he tires of just swinging
on auto tires. He notices that the people are paying more attention to the
lion in the next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience,
he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles
from the top of the lion’s cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious,
but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and
gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction.
Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the
crowd grows larger, and his salary keeps going up.
Then one day when he is dangling over the top of the lion’s cage, he slips
and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion raises himself up and prepares
to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run around the cage
with the lion in hot pursuit.
Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, “Help! Help me!”
The lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his
back looking up at the angry lion.
The lion says, “Shut up you idiot or we’ll both lose our jobs!”
Memory Pills
Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory? Patient: What pills?
Tragic Loss
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”
Who makes the best patient
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating
table.
The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table,
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside
them is color coded.”
The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers…those
guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when
the job takes longer than you said it would.”
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, and no
spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.”
Fhjjshshfhf
your momma breath so stink ,it brought the world to an end.