What do you call a Paki that came last in a race?
– “Ranshit”
Author: admin
Drunk Irish
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy
him a drink.
‘Why, of course,’ comes the reply.
The first man then asks, ‘Where are you from?’
‘I’m from Ireland,’ replies the second man.
The first man responds by saying, ‘you don’t say. I’m from Ireland too. Let’s
have another round to Ireland.’
‘Of course,’ replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks, ‘Where in Ireland are you from?’
‘Dublin,’ comes the reply.
‘I can’t believe it,’ says the first man, ‘I’m from Dublin too. Let’s have
another drink to Dublin.’
‘Of course,’ replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, ‘What school did you go to?’
‘St Mary’s,’ replies the second man, ‘I graduated in 1962.’
‘This is unbelievable,’ the first man says. ‘I went to St Mary’s and I
graduated in 1962 too.’
About that time, one of the regulars comes in and sits down at the bar.
‘What’s been going on?’ he asks the barman.
‘Nothing much,’ replies the barman. ‘The O’Malley twins are drunk again.’
Bachelor
The bachelor finished his meal and placed his tip on the table. The waiter took one look at the 15 cents and said:”Thank you for your generosity. You can always tell the character of a diner by the way he tips.”
“Oh, really?” he said. “What do these five-cent coins tell you about me?”
“Well, yoe put the three coins in a row,” said the waiter. “That tells me you are tidy for starters. The first coin tells me you are frugal and the second coin tells me you are a bachelor.”
“That’s true,” said the diner, somewhat impressed. “And what does the third coin tell you?”
“That tells me your father was a bachelor too.”
�Cu�l es la diferencia entre
�Cu�l es la diferencia entre una novia, una amante y una esposa?
Que la novia te dice “�ay, que dulce!”, la amante dice “�ay, que vigor!”, y la esposa dice:
“Hay que pagar la luz, hay que pagar el tel�fono, hay que pagar el cable…”
Who makes the best patient
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating
table.
The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table,
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside
them is color coded.”
The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers…those
guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when
the job takes longer than you said it would.”
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, and no
spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.”
Making Snowman and Snowwoman
Why does it take longer to make a snowman than it does to make a snowwoman?
Because you gotta take the time to hollow out his head!
A lawyer is bombing along
A lawyer is bombing along the moterwat in his brand new Ferarri F50. All of a sudden he loses control of the vehicle and drives onto the wrong side of the road. He has a head-on collision with a lorry. A passer-by saw the accident and phoned for an ambulance. The lawyers car was smashed up. When the paramedics arrived they found the lawyer through the windshield. The lawyer was screaming,”oh no! My car,my car!” The paramedic replied,” I don’t think you should worried about your car sir, your arm has come clean of.”
The lawyer shouted,”oh no my Rolex, my Rolex!”
The three men
there was three men a chinese a indian and black guy so they were going in 2 the woods so the black guy was carrying a bottle of water and the indian guy was carrying some ice and the chinese guy was carrying a car door so there boss ask the black guy y is he carrying the bottle of water for and he said so he can drink then he ask the indian guy y is he carrying the ice and he was like 2 cool out the system and then he ask the chinese y is he carrying the car door so he was like when it rains he’s gonna wine up the glass
Yo mama
yo mamas so fat all streets became one way
Tragic Loss
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”
Car and garage
This little girl wants to take bath with her dad she says dad can i take a bath with you?Her dad says okay.Then the little girl asks whats that daddy?Thats my Car said dad.Then a couple of minutes later the little girl wants to take a bath with her mom.She ays mom can I take a bath with you?Okay.Then the little girl asks whats that mommy?The mom says thats my garage.then later on the little girl hears the doorbell.She answers the door and the lady asks are your mom and dad busy?Yes my dads parking his car in my moms garage!
Mime’s Job in the Zoo
One day a mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a
street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zoo keeper
grabs him and drags him into his office.
The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo’s most popular
attraction, a gorilla, died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance
at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the
gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning before the crowd arrives the mime puts on the gorilla
suit and enters the cage. He discovers that it’s a great job. He can sleep
all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws larger crowds than
he ever did as a mime on the street.
However, eventually the crowd tires of him and he tires of just swinging
on auto tires. He notices that the people are paying more attention to the
lion in the next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience,
he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles
from the top of the lion’s cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious,
but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and
gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction.
Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the
crowd grows larger, and his salary keeps going up.
Then one day when he is dangling over the top of the lion’s cage, he slips
and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion raises himself up and prepares
to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run around the cage
with the lion in hot pursuit.
Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, “Help! Help me!”
The lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his
back looking up at the angry lion.
The lion says, “Shut up you idiot or we’ll both lose our jobs!”