Yo’ mama like a Big Mac — full of fat and only worth a buck!
Author: admin
Q: How many Vulcans
Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?A: “Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000”
Two guys standing at the urinal.
Ed and Ted were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory when Ed
glanced over and noticed that Ted’s penis was twisted like a corkscrew.
“Blimey,” Ed said. “I’ve never seen one like that before!”
“Like what?” Ted said.
“All twisted like a pigs tail” Ed said.
“Well what’s yours like?” Ted said.
“Well straight like normal” Ed said.
“I thought mine was normal `til I saw yours” Ted said.
Ed finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shake down prior to putting it back in his pants.
“What did you do that for?” Ted said.
“Shaking off the excess drops” Ed said. “Like normal.”
“Shit” Ted said. “And all these years I’ve been wringing it!”
Fester the Gangreen Reindeer
You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen,
But do you remember him,
The only reindeer missing a limb.
Fester the Gangreen Reindeer had a bad infected leg,
So they amputated it, and replaced it with a peg,
All of the other reindeer used to laugh in Fester’s face,
They wouldn’t let poor Fester park in a good wheelchair space.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say,
Fester with your leg that’s fake,
What good kindling wood you’d make.
Then how the reindeer loved him, as they shouted out with glee,
Fester the Gangreen Reindeer, you’re our favorite amputee.
Robin Hood
Hollywood is working on a year 2005 version of Robin Hood.
In this one, Robin Hood steals stock options from dot-com billionaires and gives them to people he finds reading “Computers for Dummies” books.
Tampon
Q: What do a tampon and an Old Southern Debutant have in common?
A: They’re both stuck up cunts!!
Q: How many gardeners does
Q: How many gardeners does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Three. One to change it and two to have a debate about whether this is the right time of year to be putting in lightbulbs or daffodil bulbs.
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
All You Can Drink
A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and orders a cold one. He swigs down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes and orders another. He gulps down that one, looks in his pocket again, cringes and orders yet another one. This goes on for at least an hour and a half. Finally the bartender, bursting with curiousity, says, “I know it’s none of my business buddy, but I have to ask. Why the whole “drink, look in pocket, cringe and order another one” routine?” “Well,” slurred the man, “There’s a picture of my wife in my pocket. When she starts to look good, then it’s time for me to go home.”
The Farting Competition
Little Harley kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly letting loud farts. His teacher kept him after school. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behaviour, Little Harley said, “I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I’m very proud of that fact.”The teacher says, “If I show you I can do it better than you, will you stop?”Little Harley agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Harley dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper. The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted but when she was done, and there was not a trace of chalk dust left on the paper.Harley was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again. She was willing and as she repeated the process, Harley peeked up underneath her skirt.”No wonder you won!” he exclaimed indignantly, “you’ve got a Double-Barrel!”
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty at the Office But
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I’ll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
5. Hmm…I think it’s out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It’s an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you’ll be getting off today?
1. It’s not fair…I do all the work while he just sits there!
Brownies
Fred sees his friend Tom walkin down the street lookin very sad.
“Whats wrong?” asked Fred.
“I got kicked out of boyscouts for eating a brownie at a
bakesale.”
“I got kicked out of boyscouts too.”
“Why?”
“For eating out a brownie.”