Author: admin

Un tipo se acerca d�a

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Un tipo se acerca d�a a d�a a una chica en la oficina. Se para muy cerca de ella, respira profundamente y le dice que el olor de su cabello es alucinante. Luego de una semana de la misma rutina, la mujer ya no puede soportarlo m�s, as� que entra en la oficina de su jefe y le manifiesta su intenci�n de levantar una queja por acoso sexual contra ese hombre.

El jefe le pide que le explique sus razones y al saberlas, sorprendido le pregunta:

“Pero, �qu� tiene de malo que un compa�ero de trabajo te diga que tu cabello huele estupendamente?”

“�Que es un enano!”

Sex Addict

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A man goes to the doctor and says “Doc, you gotta help me!” The doctor asks, “What’s your problem?” The guy says every morning I wake up with my “morning flagpole”… I give the missus a quick one, and then go to work. On the way to work, I carpool with the next door neighbour’s wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work. Once I get there, I do some work and then at morning tea time, I go into the photocopy room and crank one out with one of the young office girls. At lunch, I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good boinking. For afternoon tea, I give the boss’s wife a good servicing. Then, I go home and slip the maid a few inches. Then at night, I give the missus another screw……”So…????” asked the doctor.”What’s your problem???”The guy says “Well, it hurts when I masturbate!”

Refrigerated Pussy

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On the eve of her wedding, the bride-to-be confessed to her best friend that she was worried about her husband finding out that she wasn’t a virgin.

“No problem,” said the friend. “Just go out and buy yourself a nice piece of liver and put it up inside you just before you have sex. You’ll feel nice and tight and he’ll never know the difference.”

She went ahead and followed her friend’s advice.

On her wedding night, she and her new husband went wild. They did it in the tub, they did it on the floor, they did it just about everywhere.

The bride woke up the next morning and found her new hubby was gone and all that was left was a note that read:

Sweetheart, I love you very much. I feel terrible about what has happened. I can’t go on after this, and I know now that we can never have a life together.

Goodbye darling.

P.S: …Your pussy is in the refrigerator!

Physics Exam

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The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen:

“Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer.”

One student replied:

“You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building.”

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics. For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn’t make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:

“Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer.

“Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper’s shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work uut the height of the skyscraper.

“But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqrroot (l/g).

“Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up.

“If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.

But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor’s door and say to him ‘If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper’.”

The student was Nils Bohr, the only Dane to win the Nobel prize for Physics.

Twas the Night Before Christmas

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‘Twas the Night Before Christmas: Texas Version

T’was the night before Christmas, in Texas, you know.
Way out on the prairie, without any snow.
Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue,
A dreamin’ of Christmas, like me and you.
Not stockings, but boots, at the foot of their bed,
For this was Texas, what more need be said,
When all of a sudden, from out of the still night,
There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright.
And I saw ‘cross the prairie, like a shot from a gun,
A loaded up buckboard, come on at a run,
The driver was ”Geein” and ”Hawin”, with a will,
The horses (not reindeer) he drove with such skill.
”Come on there Buck, Poncho, & Prince, to the right,
There’ll be plenty of travelin’ for you all tonight.”
The driver in Levi’s and a shirt that was red,
Had a ten-gallon Stetson on top of his head.
As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight,
With his beard and moustache, so curly and white.
As he burst in the cabin, the children awoke,
And were so astonished, that neither one spoke.
And he filled up their boots with such presents galore,
That neither could think of a single thing more.
When Buddy recovered the use of his jaws,
He asked in a whisper, ”Are you really Santa Claus?”
”Am I the real Santa? Well, what do you think?”
And he smiled as he gave a mysterious wink.
Then he leaped in his buckboard, and called back in his drawl,
”To all the children in Texas, Merry Christmas, You-all!”

Bigger ball

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A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I’ve got a problem with
my balls but I’m a little ashamed of it.” “Don’t worry, I’m here
to help you. What’s the problem?” The doc replies.

“One of my balls is much much bigger then the other one.” “Ok,
show them to me.” “No, no! everyone laughs at it, and I’m sure
you’ll laugh too, and that pisses me off!” “Look, I’m a doctor,
don’t doubt about my professionality. please show them to me!”
“Ok…”

So he lowers his pants and gets this horribly huge ball, holding
it with both his hands, and panting for the weight tries to put
it on the table. The doctor, seeing such an incredible scene,
bursts out in laughter. And the man, getting angry, says, “I
knew you would laugh! Now I won’t show you the big one!”

Confession booth

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Father Larry is in the confession booth one day when he has to go to the bathroom really bad. He Calls over to the janitor. Jim ,the janitor, comes over and Father Larry explains that he has to go to the bathroom and wants Jim to take over in the confession booth for him. Jim explains that he is not even catholic and does not think it would be appropriate for him to take over, Father Larry insist and explains to Jim that if somebody enters the booth to just look up the punishment in the book on the table. Jim agrees and sits down in the booth. The first sinner comes in and says ‘Father I have sinned, I have cursed at my mother’ Jim thumbs through the book and finds ‘cursing at mother’. Jim reads the note and tells the sinner to say two hail Mary�s and they are forgiven. A minute later another sinner comes into the booth and says ‘Father I have sinned, I cheated on my test’. Once again Jim looks it up in the book and tells the sinner to say three “our Father’s” and they will be forgiven. Jim starts top enjoy his new job and becomes more relaxed. The next sinner walks in and say ‘Father please forgive me, I have sinned.’ Jim says ‘My son, What have you done’ The sinner replies ‘I have had anal sex’ Jim, feeling very comfortable goes over to the book and looks up anal sex, not finding anything he checks again, but sure enough they is nothing for anal sex. Jim starts to get worried and then he notices little Billy playing out back. Jim calls out to Billy ‘hey Billy what does Father Larry give for anal sex?’ Bill shouts back ‘Two twinkies and a coke!