The Irish water polo team drowned four horses during the first chukka.
Author: admin
Shiftless
My boss told me to get my butt in gear.
I told him I was shiftless.
-Jay London
Sex Addict
A man goes to the doctor and says “Doc, you gotta help me!” The doctor asks, “What’s your problem?” The guy says every morning I wake up with my “morning flagpole”… I give the missus a quick one, and then go to work. On the way to work, I carpool with the next door neighbour’s wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work. Once I get there, I do some work and then at morning tea time, I go into the photocopy room and crank one out with one of the young office girls. At lunch, I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good boinking. For afternoon tea, I give the boss’s wife a good servicing. Then, I go home and slip the maid a few inches. Then at night, I give the missus another screw……”So…????” asked the doctor.”What’s your problem???”The guy says “Well, it hurts when I masturbate!”
Van un manco, un cojo
Van un manco, un cojo y un parapl�jico al santuario de Lourdes, para ver si all� pueden curarles algo. Cuando llegan al manantial el manco decide meter el mu��n en el agua, al rato saca el brazo y ve que tiene la mano completa.
“�Dios m�o, gracias por este milagro, te rezar� todos los d�as!”
El cojo se queda alucinado y decide meter �l tambi�n la pierna; al cabo de un rato la saca y dice:
“�Dios m�o! �Milagro, mi pie vuelve a estar en su sitio y con todos sus dedos! �Gracias!”
Total que el parapl�jico dice:
“�Por favor, compa�eros, m�tanme a mi entero en el agua, a ver si yo tambi�n me curo!”
Sus amigos lo meten con todo y la silla de ruedas dentro del agua y un momento despu�s lo sacan.
“�Qu� pasa? �C�mo te sientes? �Intenta levantarte!”
El inv�lido pretende pararse, pero tras varios intentos se rinde:
“No puedo, esto no ha servido de nada”.
Y dicen sus amigos:
“�C�mo que no ha servido de nada? �Mira tu silla: rines de aluminio, espejo retrovisor y con motorcito!”
Yo moma’s like…
Yo momma like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away
Yo momma like a screen door after a couple of bangs she loosens up
Yo momma like a 5 foot basketball hoop, it ain’t that hard to score
Yo momma like a 7-eleven, open all nignt,hot
2 go and for 89 cents u get a slurpy
Yo momma like a turtle, once she’s on her back she’s fucked
Yo momma like a public toilet round white and full of shit!
I had to call the doctor
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss
says, “What happened to your ears?”
He says, “Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I
accidentally answered the iron.”
The boss says, “Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other
ear?”
He says, “Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!”
Q: How many liberals
Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None: They can’t remove the old ones since they are already part of the environment.
Bill and Monica in Common
What do Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky have in common?
He didn’t inhale and she didn’t swallow!
God and the Scientist
God was sitting in heaven one day when a scientist said to Him,
“God, we don’t need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to
create life out of nothing – in other words, we can now do what you did in the
beginning.”
“Oh, is that so? Tell Me…” replies God.
“Well,” says the scientist, “we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of
you and breathe life into it, thus creating man.”
“Well, that’s very interesting…show Me.”
So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil into the
shape of a man.
“No, no, no…” interrupts God, “Get your own dirt.”
Family Tree
I have a nigger in my family tree.
He is still hanging!
Infamous stud
An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink.
The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong.
“I’m scared out of my mind,” the stud replied. “Some pissed-off husband wrote to me and said he’d kill me if I didn’t stop fucking his wife.”
“So stop,” the barkeep said.
“I can’t,” the womanizer replied, taking a long swill. “The prick didn’t sign his name!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Potential and reality
Little Jimmy is at school and the teacher says “your homework is to work out the difference between potential and reality”.Jimmy goes home and has no idea ,so he asks his dad.His dad thinks about it and tells Jimmy to ask his mum if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid.He asks his mum and she says”don`t tell your dad ,but yes i would for a million quid.” Jimmy goes and tells his dad all this and his dad says “Go and ask your little sister if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid” he asks his sister and she says “don`t tell your dad but yes , i would for a million quid” Jimmy goes and tells his dad this and his dad says “There you go Jimmy , thats the difference between potential and reality.Potentially we`re sitting on two million quid, in reality we`re living with a couple of slags”.