Men are like … LaxativesThey irritate the shit out of you.Men are like … MascaraThey usually run at the first sign of emotion.Men are like … Mini SkirtsIf you’re not careful they’ll creep up your legs.Men are like … NoodlesThey’re always in hot water, they lack taste, and the need dough.Men are like … Parking SpotsThe good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are handicapped or extremely small.Men are like … WeatherNothing can be done to change them.Men are like … PlungersThey spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.Men are like … PopcornThey satisfy you, but only for a little while.Men are like … PlacematsThey only show up when there’s food on the table.Men are like … SnowstormsYou never know when he’s coming, how manyinches you’ll get or how long he will last.Men are like … Used CarsBoth are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable.Men are like … Vacations.They never seem to be long enough.
Author: admin
Some beef please
what do you get when theres a cow on the ground
ground beef
Why are blonds so dumb
a blond a brunette and a ginger girl were all sittin on an island 30 miles away from turkey and they all decided to try and get to turkey so the ginger girl swam 5 miles and drowned the brunette swam 10 miles and drowned the blond swam 15 miles decided she couldnt swim any more so swam back
They want to.
Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.
The Emergency Room
Did you hear about the pollack in the emergency room with third degree burns to his face?
He was bobbing for french fries.
The Top 16 Euphemisms for Masturbation
16. Lap-based web browsing
15. Gettin’ some air nookie
14. Wrangling the invertebrate serpent
13. Tango Con Mano
12. Jostling your Elder
11. Ruminating & Pondering
10. Shaking your fist at the ex-girlfriend
9. Releasing the hostages
8. Tickling your Elmo
7. Fixing the Hubble
6. Putting the seminal luge team through their paces
5. Carnal Tunnel Syndrome
4. Beda-testing the hardware
3. Downloading from your own website
2. Evicting the testicular squatters
1. Manually Increasing the Surface Temperature of the Ship’s Primary Cannon by Repeated Linear Manipulation
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]To know yourself is the
To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression.
Blessing from God?
A man was walking through the desert and had not eaten for days. He came across a church, went in, knelt at the alter and prayed, “Good God, give me some food!”As if by magic a lump of meat dropped at his feet. Overjoyed he ate the food. He came back every day with the same request, and everyday he was rewarded until one day a hand dropped at his feet.Puzzled he looked up… There was a leper painting the ceiling.
The Ant
Q)Why did the ant fall off the dunny bowl? A) He got pissed off.
What were the last words
What were the last words spoken before the first Christams?
– “Push, push!”
First Time
It’s your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You
put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses
to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you’re afraid and
you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but
it’s the first time his finger has found the right place. He
probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle
like he promised he’d be. He looks deeply within your eyes and
tells you to trust him–he’s done this many times before. His
cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room
for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,
but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little
pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel
the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you
feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at
you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are
filled with tears but you shake you head and nod for him to go
on. He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too
numb to feel him within you. After a few frenzied moments, you
feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you,
you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and
smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle, that you have been
his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and
thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a
tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
What were you thinkin’?
Yo mama so poor
yo mama so poor, that her tits are real!