Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and his pal Odin were up in
Valhalla, when suddenly Thor said to Odin, “It’s been a long
time now. I really need to have sex.”
Odin stood and pondered for a while, before replying, “Go
to Earth, O Thor, and find thyself what they call a ‘lady of
joy’ and treat her to your manly pleasures.”
And this Thor did. The next day, he came back up to see
Odin, and told him of the previous night’s events. “My
friend,” he said, grinning from ear to ear, “It was
wonderful. We had passionate sex 37 times..”
“37 times!” exclaimed Odin. “That poor woman! Mere
mortals cannot endure such treatment. You must go and
apologize this instant!”
So Thor went back down to earth and found the
aforementioned prostitute, saying. “I’m sorry about last
night, but you see, I’m Thor…”
“You’re Thor?” shouted the girl. “You’re Thor? What about
me? I’m tho thor I can hardly pith!”
Author: admin
Howe 2 right gud
Nowe u two can rite gud!
Howe two rite gud
Frank L. Visco
Vice-president and Senior Copywriter at US Advertising.
My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:
Avoid alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren’t necessary.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Don’t be redundant; don’t more use words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
Profanity sucks dick.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always best.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
One-word sentences? Never.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be avoided.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Be careful to use apostrophe’s correctly.
Do not use them pronouns as modifiers.
And never start a sentence with a conjunction.
Enema
A goose with a gush.
Magic Mirrior
One day a red-head, a burnette and a blond were walking on the beach when the trip over a magic mirrior.
This little face pops out at them and says if the can tell him one true thrue thing about themselves they can have anyhting they desire.
But if they lie he will turn them into a frog. So the red-head goes first,”I think I am the smartest person in the world.”
The mirrior said that she could have anything she disired and she wanted a thousand dollars and she got it.
Now it was the burnettes turn and she said,”I think I am the second smartest person in the world” and the mirrior she could have anything she disired. She wanted a million dollars and she got it.
Finally it was the blondes turn. She stepped up to the mirrior and said,”Let me get this straight, all I gotta do is say one true thing about myself and then I get what ever I desire.
The mirrior said that that was correct, but if it was a lie he would turn her into a frog. She started to say what she thought was true about herself, “I think…..” and the mirrior turned her into a frog.
Candy from a baby
Anyone who says, “Easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried it.
Tres tontilandeses en un Jeep
Tres tontilandeses en un Jeep por el desierto. El carro se da�a. El m�s avispado (es un decir) propone:
�Recuperemos del carro lo que podamos necesitar para la larga caminata�.
Y se apodera del radiador.
�Por si nos da sed�.
El segundo: �Yo tomo un sill�n, por si me canso�.
El �ltimo: �Yo me llevo la puerta, por si tengo calor, abro la ventanilla�.
Making a bet at a bar
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy.Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.”I can’t take your money,” said the first guy. “I cheated you. The same story was on the five o’clock news.” “No, no. Take it,” said the second guy. “I saw the five o’clock news too. I just didn’t think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!”
Heart Transplant
A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep.
The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man.
A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup.
The doctor asks him “How are you feeling?”
The man replies “Not BAAAAD!”
If cars had followed the
If cars had followed the same developmental path as computers,
a Rolls Royce would cost $100, get a million miles per gallon,
and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Confession
Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”
The priest says, “Is that you Tommy?”
“Yes father, it is I.”
“Who was the woman you were with?”
“I cannot tell you… for I do not wish to sully her reputation.”
The priest asks, “Was it Brenda O’Malley?”
“No, father.”
“Was it Fiona MacDonald?”
“No, father.”
“Was it Ann Brown?”
“No, father, I cannot tell you.”
The priest says I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys.
Tommy goes back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and asks, “What happened?”
Tommy replies, “I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good leads.”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Yisman
Dui?
Two drivers collided on a country road. One was a lawyer, and the other was a doctor.
The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his whiskey flask.
The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.
“Aren’t you going to have a drink yourself?” asked the doctor.
“Sure, after the police leave,” replied the lawyer.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman and Curtis
yo momma so fat she uses a V.C.R as a beeper….
yo momma so fat she uses a V.C.R as a beeper.