What is the difference between the Spice Girls and Indian Curry?
Indian Curry has Ginger in it.
Author: admin
Bible Study Bloopers
The first book of the Bible is Guiness, in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.
The Jews had trouble throughout their history with the unsympathetic Genitals.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apolstles.
Unleavened bread is bread made without ingredients.
Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 commandments.
The seventh commandment is “thou shalt not admit adultery”
Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
David fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
The people who followed Jesus was called the 12 decibles.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opposums was St. Matthew. Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What will you get if Clinton’s health bill passes?A: No Job.
Some Pranks to Try
Leave a telephone message for your boss to call Mr. Lyon. Make sure the # he/she is supposed to call is that of your local zoo. Note – This also works with the name Myra Mains, make sure the number is a funeral parlor.
Now, something for the new secretary… New secretary answers telephone as is told in official tones: “This is the phone company. We are testing a new circuit wiring scheme in your offices. Please keep everyone off the phones for the next 10 minutes. We will be verifying the correct wiring of your system by passing HOT STEAM through the wires. Instruct your employees to place their phones on the floor, or, better yet, wrap them in towels to avoid scalding themselves. We will advise you when the tests are complete $click$”
After momentary panic, watch as the secretary begins a frenzied “Paul Revere” routine, running from desk to desk while glancing frequently at her watch.
Just as the 10 minutes are about up, she bursts into her boss’s office (while he is in the midst of an important long-distance call) and, screaming, grabs the receiver from his hand and flings the whole phone under his desk…
Also…
Try supergluing a quarter to the sidewalk. I know its old, but in the city, with the diverse types of people around, it gets really amusing. I watched this old lady whack at it with her cane for about 10 min. cursing……
Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria. One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides. When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest. This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table; the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid. I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.
The grasshopper joke!
So this grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says “Hey! Your a grasshopper! We have a drink named after you!”.
The grasshopper says “Oh yeah? You have a drink named Leonard?!”.
The similarity of man and can
Similarity between male organ and shaving gel can:Shaving gel can: Warning: contents under pressure. Do not puncture or incinerate. Do not store At temperature above 120 degrees f as container may burst. Avoid extreme Cold. Use only as directed. Keep out of reach of children.Guys thing: Warning contents under pressure. Do not puncture or cut off!!!!! Do not store At temperature above 98.6 degrees f as container may have trouble bursting. Avoid extreme cold. Use only as directed. No jailbait allowed.
Laying Turf
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about a job. In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “GREEN SIDE UP!” In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!” The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!” The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?” “I’m sorry,” came the reply.”But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.”
One boy say my father can pass a water lake…
One boy say my father can pass a water lake
second boy say my father can pass a wole beach
third boy says that my father goes in a well and comes out of the tape.
Incompetence knows no barriers of
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Jussi!Jussi who!Jussi fruit!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Jussi!Jussi who!Jussi fruit!
This is an Actual Article from the Los Angeles…
This is an Actual Article from the Los Angeles Times:
“In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying
to retrieve the gerbil,” Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe
Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomasszewski, and his homosexual
partner Andrew “Kiki” Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after
a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
“I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,”
he explained. “As usual, Kiki shouted out ‘Armageddon’, my cue that he’d had
enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn’t come out again, so I peered
into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him.” At a
hushed press conference a hospital spokesperson described what happened next.
“The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the
tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski’s hair and severely burning his face. It also
set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger
pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a
cannonball.” Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from
the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns
to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
TOP 10 SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT THIS STORY:
10. “I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum…” Hello!
9. “…so I peered into the tube…” Aaaaaahhhh! I’m sorry, but that’s like
looking through a telescope into hell. I’d rather use binoculars to stare at
the sun.
8. That poor gerbil being shot out of that guy’s ass like Rocky the Flying
Squirrel on Rocky and Bullwinkle.
7. Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone’s
anus. I’m just guessing here, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil was
springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki’s “tunnel of love”.
6. People walking around with these volcano-like pockets of gas in their
rectums.
5. People who do this kind of thing & then admit what they were doing when
taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story
about a gang of raving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and
sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old
fashion, but I just can’t imagine looking at a doctor & saying “Well doc, it’s
like this. See we have this gerbil named Raggot & we took this cardboard
tube…”
4. “First and second degree burns to the anus.” Wouldn’t this make the
burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief? How does one ever
take a healthy dump after something like this? And the smell of burning anus
must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God’s green earth.
3. People named “Kiki” which is obviously a Polynesian word for “Idiotic
white men who insert rodents up butts.”
2. What kind of a hospital would hold a press conference about this?
1. This happened in Salt Lake City? What kind of people are those Mormons?
I’m starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family.
Gotcha…
Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. “But,” said the duffer, “since you’re obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two ‘gotchas’.”
The golf pro didn’t know what a ‘gotcha’ was, but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
“What happened?” asked one of the members.
“Well,” said the pro, “I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling ‘Gotcha!’ Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second ‘gotcha’?”