Author: admin

Leave a telephone message for your boss to call Mr. Lyon. Make sure the # he/she is supposed to call is that of your local zoo. Note – This also works with the name Myra Mains, make sure the number is a funeral parlor.

Now, something for the new secretary… New secretary answers telephone as is told in official tones: “This is the phone company. We are testing a new circuit wiring scheme in your offices. Please keep everyone off the phones for the next 10 minutes. We will be verifying the correct wiring of your system by passing HOT STEAM through the wires. Instruct your employees to place their phones on the floor, or, better yet, wrap them in towels to avoid scalding themselves. We will advise you when the tests are complete $click$”

After momentary panic, watch as the secretary begins a frenzied “Paul Revere” routine, running from desk to desk while glancing frequently at her watch.

Just as the 10 minutes are about up, she bursts into her boss’s office (while he is in the midst of an important long-distance call) and, screaming, grabs the receiver from his hand and flings the whole phone under his desk…

Also…

Try supergluing a quarter to the sidewalk. I know its old, but in the city, with the diverse types of people around, it gets really amusing. I watched this old lady whack at it with her cane for about 10 min. cursing……

Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria. One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides. When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest. This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table; the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid. I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.

A woman was visiting an Indian reservation one day when an Indian came up to her. He had a feather in his hair. “How did you get that feather?” the woman asked.”I screw one squaw,” the Indian said. Then, another Indian came up to her. He had two feathers in his hair.”How did you get those feathers?” she asked. “I screw two squaw,” he said. Then, an Indian with a headdress of feathers came up to her.”My! How did you get all those feathers?” she asked. “I screw two squaw, four squirrel, five rabbit, eight bear.” he answered. “Oh dear!” said the woman. The Indian replied, “No deer, deer jump too high, balls get stuck in bush.”

1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf
balls, bags of sand, etc.)

2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get
near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag,
and yell, “Trick or Treat!” Look at them, scratch your head, and
act confused.

3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, “Top
Secret” in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around
suspiciously, say, “It’s about time you got here,” give them the
briefcase, and quickly shut the door.

4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When
trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, “Come in.” When they
do, have everyone yell, “Surprise!!!” Act like it’s a surprise
party.

5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they
can figure out what’s wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it
makes an unnatural “whirring” sound.

6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.

7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse,
and don’t move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go
away.

8. When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out
into the street, and yell, “Crawl for it!”

9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act
shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the
door and run around the house, screaming until they go away.

10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups
before you give them any candy.

11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order
their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.

12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at
anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.

13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window,
crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house
as you can.

14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the
trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and
start flipping through a calendar.

15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone
protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left
over from Easter.

16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the
trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.

17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M’s and several
half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close
the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you
don’t have any candy.

18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of aspirin.

19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on
your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before
the pumpkin.

20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment
you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the
trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you’re finished.

21. Dress up as Lord Voldemort (the very evil person from “Harry
Potter”) and insist that the Trick or Treaters be killed. Point
a stick at them and shout, “Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra!
Diiiiie, you stupid Muggles!”