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The three wise men are out for a stroll when they come across a stable.
The three of them decide to duck inside.
On the way in one of the wise men hits his head on the low entranceway.
“Jesus Christ!” he says.
Joseph says, “Quick, Mary, write that down! It’s a hell of a lot better than Clyde!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?
Nurse: No change yet.
A girl phoned me the other day and said …. Come on over, there’s nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
My father carries around the picture of the kid that came with his wallet.
I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, “do you think we’ll ever find them? He said, “I don’t know kid, there are so many places they can hide.
whats the difference between a pervert and a pick pocket ?
One watches snatches the other snatches watches.
Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?”The sarge replied, “He’s in Georgia now. They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never catch him.”
A United State Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what’s in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp.
“This will look nice on my mantelpiece,” he decides, and takes it home with him.
While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. “I wish for an ice cold diet Coke right now!” He gets his Coke and drinks it.
Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. “I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside.” Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully.
He tells the genie his third and last wish. “I wish I’d never have to work ever again.”
POOF! He’s back in his government office.
Coors put its slogan, “Turn it loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as
“Suffer from diarrhea.”
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American
campaign: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.”
Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick”, a curling iron, into German only to find
out that “mist” is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the “manure
stick.”
When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same
packaging as in the U.S., with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later
they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of
what’s inside, since most people can’t read.
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious
porno magazine.
An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which
promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the shirts
read “I saw the potato” (la papa).
Pepsi’s “Come alive with the Pepsi Generation” translated into “Pepsi brings
your ancestors back from the grave” in Chinese.
The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as “Ke-kou-ke-la” meaning “Bite the
wax tadpole” or “female horse stuffed with wax” depending on the dialect. Coke
then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent “ko-kou-ko-le”
translating into “happiness in the mouth.”
When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to
have read, “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you”. Instead, the
company thought that the word “embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so
the ad read: “It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant.”
“Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that’s not
true. I have the heart of a young boy — in a jar on my desk.”
– Steven King
Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw.
One day, Little Johnny was going up to his bedroom when he heard
moans coming from his mother’s room. He opened the door a bit
and she was touching herself saying
“I need a man, I need a man!”
Johnny wondered what she was doing but went to bed.
The next day, he was going to his bedroom, and he heard moaning
again.
He opened the door a bit and saw a man on top of his mother
doing what they shouldn’t be.
He hurried to his room, started touching himself and said,
“I need a bike, I need a bike!”
An error in the premise will appear in the conclusion.
A obviously pissed off man walks into a bar and yells “All Lawyers are assholes! Show Me a Lawyer, and I’ll show you an Asshole!” Another man walks up to the guy and says “I resent that statement!” The first guys says “Why, Are you a Lawyer?” and the second guys replies “NO! I’m an ASSHOLE!”