Author: admin

Resulta que Cornelio se ha casado con Facilisa, y �sta, la noche de bodas, coloca un cofre cerrado con un gran candado al pie de la cama.

“�Para que es ese cofre, cielo?, pregunta Cornelio, “Ese es un secreto m�o que nunca te voy a decir”, le reponde su amada.

Cornelio, respetuoso del sentir de su mujer, no vuelve a preguntar. Al volver del viaje de bodas, Facilisa coloca al pie de la cama de su nuevo hogar el dichoso cofre. Cornelio, presa de la intriga y la duda, le vuelve a preguntar: “Vida mia, despu�s del maravilloso viaje de bodas, no me puedes decir que es lo que guardas con tanto celo en ese cofre?” “No, querido m�o. Como te he dicho antes, es mi secreto y no te lo dir�.”

As� pasan muchos a�os, sin que Cornelio pregunte m�s por el cofre. Sin embargo, al cumplir 50 a�os de casados, despu�s de la celebracion, Cornelio persiste nuevamente y dice: “Amor mio… son ya 50 a�os de casados. Hemos compartido mucho, y la verdad es que creo que es tiempo de que me digas lo que guardas en el cofre.” Facilisa, conmovida por la escena, finalmente accede, y al abrirlo, Cornelio encuentra dentro cinco granitos de maiz y una bolsa repleta de dinero.

Cornelio, perturbado, le pregunta a su mujer: “�Y eso, para que lo has guardado con tanto celo? “Debo confesarte, responde Facilisa, que por cada vez que te he sido infiel, guardaba un granito de maiz en el cofre.” Cornelio, aunque decepcionado, se consolaba pensando que cinco infidelidades, en 50 a�os de casados, despu�s de todo no era tanto. Entonces, pregunta a Facilisa: “�Y el dinero?” Y le responde Facilisa: “Es que cada vez que juntaba una tonelada de ma�z, pues la vend�a.”

TO: ALL PERSONNEL
FROM: ACCOUNTING

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in
timesheets that specify large amounts of “Miscellaneous Unproductive Time” (Code
5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your
unproductive time.

Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based
on our observations of employee activities.

The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you
are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list
immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you,
Accounting

Attached: Extended Job-Code List
Code and Explanation
5316 Useless Meeting

5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting

5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting

5319 Waiting for Break

5320 Waiting for Lunch

5321 Waiting for End of Day

5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker

5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not
Present

5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend

5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning

5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid

5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You

5481 Buying Snack

5482 Eating Snack

5500 Filling Out Timesheet

5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries

5502 Waiting for Something to Happen

5503 Scratching Yourself

5504 Sleeping

5510 Feeling Bored

5511 Feeling Horny

5600 Complaining About Lousy Job

5601 Complaining About Low Pay

5602 Complaining About Long Hours

5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)

5604 Complaining About Boss

5605 Complaining About Personal Problems

5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining

5701 Not Actually Present At Job

5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu

6102 Ordering Out

6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive

6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food

6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit

6201 Stealing Company Goods

6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods

6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls

6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen
Company Goods

6205 Hiding from Boss

6206 Gossip

6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)

6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself

6211 Updating Resume

6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter

6213 Out of Office on Interview

6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching

6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job

6223 Pretending You Like Coworker

6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks

6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing

6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl

6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)

6602 Complaining

6603 Writing a Book on Company Time

6611 Staring Into Space

6612 Staring At Computer Screen

6615 Transcendental Meditation

7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)

7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone

7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone

7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone

7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone

7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone

7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone

7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone

7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone

7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone

7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity

8000 Recreational Drug Use

8001 Non-recreational Drug Use

8002 Liquid Lunch

8100 Reading e-mail

The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at thousands of people in the forecourt below.

The Queen says to the Pope out of the corner of her mouth,
‘I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my hand.’

The Pope says, ‘No way. You can’t do that.’

The Queen says, ‘Watch this.’ So she waves her hand and every English person in the crowd goes crazy, waving their little plastic Union jacks on sticks and cheering and basically going ballistic.

So the Pope is standing there going, ‘Uh oh, what am I going to do? I never thought she’d be able to do it.’

So he thinks for a minute and then he turns to her and says, ‘I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild, not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head.’

The Queen says, ‘No way. It can’t be done.’

So the Pope head butts her.