John and Mary had been high school sweethearts, but they had never had sex. “We’ll have to wait until we are married.” She told him. So he waited…They are engaged three years and finally the big day rolls around. On their wedding night, Mary comes out of the bathroom, and announces, “I have some bad news. I have my period, and I don’t want our first time to be all bloody.” John exclaims, “You’re kidding!” Mary flatly informs him, “We’ll just have to wait a bit longer.”Mary goes to sleep and wakes up at 3 am to get a drink. On her way back to bed, she notices Johnny wide awake staring at the ceiling. “There’s no use John,” she said. “You might as well go to sleep.” He responded quickly, “I would, except my dick’s so hard there’s not enough skin left to close my eyes.”
Author: admin
Getting screwed
This guy goes to a whorehouse and says to the Madam, “I want to get screwed.”
The Madam tells him to go up to room #12 and knock on the door. The guy walks up to the door, knocks on it, and says, “I really want to get screwed, bad!”
A very sexy voice replies “Just slide $20 under the door.”
So the man slides the $20 under the door and waits… Nothing Happens! He knocks on the door again, and yells out “I want to get screwed!”
The sexy voice behind the door answers, “Again?”
Do you have a problem
A bear decides to go take a shit in the woods. Upon entering the
woods, he sees a rabbit doing the same as he is about to do. So
he takes his shit and notices that he got shit on his hair
again. He asked the rabbit, “Hey rabbit, do you have a problem
with shit sticking to your hair?” The rabbit replied, “No.” So
the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass with him.
It’s a cat’s world after all!
On the first day of creation, God created the cat…. On the second day, God created man to serve the cat…. On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat…. On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat…. On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it…. On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke…. On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litterbox….
Is a detective story about
Is a detective story about frogs a “croak and dagger” story?
New York State of Mind
Do you know why New Yorkers are always so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
The Beggers
Two beggars are sitting on a park bench outside a church on a Sunday morning. They are both dressed in rags, each is holding a top hat, the one has a large cross around his neck and the other a large Star of David. After church, the congregants file out, each placing money in the hat belonging to the beggar with the cross while ignoring the beggar with the Star of David. Soon the hat of the beggar with the cross is overflowing with money while the other beggar’s hat remains empty.
A priest who has been watching this approaches the bench and says to the beggar with the Star of David around his neck “My son, surely you realize you are in a Christian country, in a Christian neighborhood, on a Sunday morning, sitting outside a church? How can you possibly expect anyone to give you any money, especially since you are wearing a large Star of David around your neck?”
On hearing this the beggar with the Star of David around his neck turns to the other beggar and says “Moshe, can you believe this priest trying to tell us how to run our business!”
In case he has to count to eleven.
Why does George W. Bush keep his fly open?
In case he has to count to eleven.
If you do not like
If you do not like the answer, you shouldn’t have asked the question.
Madam Foot
Knock-Knock,
Who’s There?
Madam.
Madam Who?
Open Up! Madam Foot Is Caught In the Door!
Clinton one-liner
If character is not an issue, why isn’t Ted Kennedy president?
Lotto
A blonde wanted to win the lotto so she prayed to god, and she lost. Next week she prayed to god again, and she lost. The week after she prayed to god, and she lost. She said to god, why wont you let me win? God replied, How about buying a ticket first?