yo mama so fat she sat in a monster truck and turned it into a lowrider
Author: admin
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?A: 144 blondes.
Art Critic
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye.
“What on earth,” she inquired of the artist standing nearby, “is that?”
He smiled condescendingly. “That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.”
“Well, then,” snapped the little old lady, “why isn’t it?”
Lawn Mower
You might be a redneck if you have ever flipped your riding mower.
Gas Attack
There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn’t even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor.
After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help.
“Doctor,” she said, “I have a very bad gas problem.”
“A gas problem?” replied the doctor.
“Yes. Yesterday afternoon, I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh…silent gas emissions.
Last night, I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had (blush) four silent gas emissions.
Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions!
Doctor, you’ve got to help me! What can we do?”
“Well,” said the doctor, “I think the first thing we’re going to do is give you a hearing test!”
Cuando Dios hizo el mundo,
Cuando Dios hizo el mundo, para que los hombres prosperaran decidi� darles dos virtudes: A los Gringos los hizo ordenados y respetuosos de la ley; a los Ingleses, tenaces y estudiosos; a los Japoneses, trabajadores y pacientes, y as� sucesivamente.
Cuando lleg� a los Nicarag�enses, le dijo al �ngel, que anotara en una planilla lo siguiente: “Estos van a ser inteligentes, honestos, y Arnoldistas”.
Cuando termin� de hacer el mundo, el �ngel le llam� la atenci�n y le dijo: “Santo Padre, t� has dado a todos los pueblos del mundo dos virtudes, pero a los nicarag�enses les has dado tres. Eso har� que ellos prevalezcan por encima de todos los otros pueblos de la tierra”.
“Caramba” dijo el Se�or, “��es cierto!!, pero como los dones de Dios no deben quitarse, deberemos remediar esto. A partir de hoy los Nicas conservar�n esas tres virtudes, pero para no prevalecer por sobre los dem�s, ninguno podr� ejercer m�s de dos virtudes simult�neamente”.
Es por eso, que desde ese momento, el Nica que es Arnoldista y honesto, no puede ser inteligente; el que es inteligente y Arnoldista, no puede ser honesto, y el que es inteligente y honesto, jam�s podr� ser partidario de Arnoldo Alem�n.
Moraleja: “Dios sabe muy bien hacer sus cosas”
Together on an island
A blonde a brunette and a redhead were all on a deserted island. The three come across a lamp. The brunette give the lamp a rub and out comes a genie. He tells the girls they have three wishes. The brunette decides to go first…she missed her family so she wishes to return home. POOF the brunette disappears. Next the redhead decides she also misses her family and wishes to return home. POOF the redhead disappears. The genie looks at the blonde and she bursts out in tears….. i wish my friends were here. POOF………..
Midgets Rock Las Vegas
Two midgets on a bender in Vegas hire two hookers and take ’em out for a night
on the town. After cocktails and gambling, they all head back to their hotel
room at the MGM Grand. But the night doesn’t quite turn out as planned. Since
he’s had too much to drink, one of the midgets can’t get it up at all, and, to
make matters worse, has to listen to the other one say “1, 2, 3, huh,” over and
over again, all night. The next morning, the first midget is complaining.
“Man, did that suck. I was soft all night.”
“You think that’s bad,” said the other midget. “I couldn’t even get onto the
bed.”
Little Red Pain
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the forest when she
sees the Big Bad Wolf behind the bushes. She walks up to him and
says, “My, what big eyes you have!” The wolf then jumps up and
runs away.
Later on, Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, but this time he
was behind a tree, she walks up to him again and says, “My, what
big ears you have!” Again, the wolf jumps up and runs from her.
As she continued her walk she sees the wolf a third time behind
a fence, she walks up to him and says, “My, what big teeth you
have!” The wolf popped up from behind the fence and says, “Damn
it, would you leave me alone? I am trying to take a shit!!!”
Knock Knock 171
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Sven!
Sven who?
Sven Brides for Seven Brothers!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Swede!
Swede who?
Swede smell of success!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Sweden!
Sweden who?
Sweden the coffee!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Sweden!
Sweden who?
Sweden sour is my favourite chinese meal!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Sy!
Sy who?
Sycho!
Q: How many SAS
Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Two. One to change the light bulb and one to make sure the stack of manuals doesn’t tip over.
Good, Bad, Ugly…….
Good, Bad, Ugly….Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.Bad: You can’t find your birth control pills.Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.Ugly: You’re in them.Good: Your husband understands fashion.Bad: He’s a cross-dresser.Ugly: He looks better than you.Good: Your son’s finally maturing.Bad: He’s involved with the woman next door.Ugly: So are you.Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter.Bad: She keeps interrupting.Ugly: With corrections.Good: Your wife’s not talking to you.Bad: She wants a divorce.Ugly: She’s a lawyer.Good: The postman’s early.Bad: He’s wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47.Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.Good: Your daughter got a new job.Bad: As a hooker.Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do.Good: You’re son is dating someone new.Bad: It’s another man.Ugly: He’s you’re best friend.Good: You’re wife is pregnant.Bad: It’s triplets.Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.