Math mocks muddle your mind,
English exams exhaust the ego,
French phrases fizzle your fibers,
Technology tests tease through time,
Science suffers a straining cerebrum, geography generally juggles GCSE’s
Finally physics fails your finals
Author: admin
The Handicapped Lawy
Did you know that lots of lawyers put copies of their JD degrees on their dashboards?That way they get to park in the spots reserved for the handicapped.
Switching Heads
This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband’s funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.He asks, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he’s wearing?”But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one.When she comes back for the funeral, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the funeral director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.He says, “Actually, it didn’t cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So… I switched the heads”
A guy walks into a bar and talks to a buch…
A guy walks into a bar and talks to a buch of people at a table and then goes up to the bartender and says i bet you $5.00 that i can piss in that glass from here so the bartender takes the bet and the guy pulls down his pants and pisses all over the bartenders counter and the bartender starts laughing and says HAHA you owe me $5.00 and then the guy goes HAHAHA i just bet those people over there 10.00 that i could piss on your counter and make you laugh!
Thick
Three men walk into a bar and one ducks!
In the international school of
In the international school of Ireland, there is a very patriotic history
teacher.
One day, the teacher asked his students, “Who is the most important man in
the history of the world?” He then offered 2 shillings to the student who
gets the right answer.
A French student stands up and says, “Napoleon was the most important man
in the history of the world.”
The teacher looked at him and said, “Napoleon was a great man, no doubt,
but he wasn’t the most important man, or the man I’m looking for. Sorry, no
shilling for ya.”
Then, an Italian student stands up and says, “Leonardo da Vinci was the
most important man in the history of the world.”
The teacher looked at him and said, “Leonardo da Vinci was a great man
also, no doubt, but he wasn’t the most important man, or the man I’m
looking for. Sorry, no shilling for ya either.”
Then, a Jewish student stands up, out of no where and says, “To me, the
most important man in the history of the world is St. Patrick.”
The teachers eyes became wide with joy and shouted, “YES! This is the man I
was waiting for! St. Patrick is the greatest man in the history of the
world!! Here are ya 2 shillings. Ya earned them!”
After class, the teacher comes up the the happy Jewish student and asks,
“You are Jewish… then how come you said St. Patrick is the most important
man in the history of the world?”
Then the Jewish student replyed, “Well, in my opinion, Moses was the most
important man in the history of the world…but as you know, business is
business.”
What do You Get
A young girl of 12 gets up in the middle of the night for a glass of water.
Hearing muffled noises coming from her parents room, she quietly peeks her
head in. She’s been very curious about sex, and thinks that that must be what
her parents are doing….
She soundlessly returns to bed and resolves to ask her mother about it in the
morning. At breakfast she asks her mother, “Mommy, what’s sex?”
“Sex happens when a man and woman get married,” her mother replies. “The man
puts his penis into the woman’s vagina and they make a baby.”
The little girl thinks for a minute and says, “Mommy, last night I saw you
with Daddy’s penis in your mouth! What do you get when you do that?” Her
mother smiles and says, “Jewelry!”
Really dumb questions
1.How come stores open 24-7 have a lock?
2.How can bulls hate the color red if their color blind?
The 12 Days of Christmas
The 12 Days of Christmas (Druggie Version)
On the _______________ of Christmas my dealer got for me……
1st A Hemp Fest in the City.
2nd Two Burn Outs.
3rd Three Bong Hits.
4th Four Acid Tabs.
5th Five Used Up Sluts.
6th Six Pounds of Crack.
7th Seven Used Syringes.
8th Eight Busted* Girls.
9th Nine Crack Whores.
10th Ten Kegs of Beer.
11th Eleven Months in Rehab.
12th Twelve Trips to Jail.
Busted means extreamly ugly.
Just Like Mama Used To Make
Why did the Italian boy want to grow a mustache?
So he could look like his mama.
Sick Man
After looking for love in all the wrong places, a man returns from the Middle
East and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately
rushed to the Hospital to undergo tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room
at the hospital. No one is around but the phone by his
bed. and it rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve
found you have an extremely contagious and nasty STD called ‘G.A.S.H.’ It’s a
combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, Syphilis, and Herpes!”
“Oh, my gosh,” cried the man, “What are you going to do, doctor?”
“Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas,
pancakes, and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me???” asked the man.
The doctor replied, “Well no, but….they’re the only foods we can get under
the door.”
The Bible in 50 words
For those who want a good founding in Bible studies but don’t want to take the time to read the {rhymes with jammed} thing — here’s the Bible in 50 wordsGod madeAdam bitNoah arkedAbraham splitJoseph ruledJacob fooledBush talkedMoses balkedPharaoh plaguedPeople walkedSea dividedTablets guidedPromise landedSaul freakedDavid peekedProphets warnedJesus bornGod walkedLove talkedAnger crucifiedHope diedLove roseSpirit flamedWord spreadGod remained.