THERE ONCE WAS THIS BOY AROUND 10 OR TWELVE YEARS OLD. HIS NAME WAS STEVEN.HE HAD TWO SPANISH FRIENDS ONE FAT AND ONE SKINNY. THEY WERE ALL GAY TOGETHER. THEY WERE SO STUPID. THEY REALLY SUCKED BUT ONE DAY THE FATT ASS FOUND A BAG OF MONEY ON THA GROUND.THEY PICKED IT UP AND PAYED 3 MALE STRIPPERS TO COME STRIP IN FRONT OF THEM.
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Christmas tree better
Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman” A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
$2000 cash prize
A man goes into a bar and sees a pile of cash on a table beneath a big sign that reads “$2,000 Cash Prize! See bartender for details.”
Keeping one eye on the stack of money, the man goes over and asks the bartender what he has to do to win the prize.
“You have to do three things and its all yours,” the bartender says.
“Just three things?” the guy asks, rubbing his hands now and imagining about walking out of the bar $2,000 richer.
“What are the three things?”
“Well,” the bartender says, “first you have to go over to that 200-pound bouncer and knock him out…”
“After that, I’ve got a mean-tempered pitbull in the backroom who needs a tooth pulled…”
“Then you have to go and make love to the 80-year-old lady who lives upstairs.”
“No problem,” the guy says. He struts over to the bouncer and says, “Hey pal your shoelace is untied.”
When the bouncer looks down at his shoes, the man flattens him with a single, solid uppercut.
Next he heads to the back room where the pitbull is housed.
The bartender can heara tremendous commotion from the back room it sounds like the pitbull has gone crazy.
After a few minutes the man emerges from the backroom, quite bloody and cut up and breathing heavily.
“Okay,” he says, “where’s the old broad that needs her tooth pulled??”
A Drink Problem
I have got a drink problem…..I’ve got two hands, but only one mouth…..
In the beginning…
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session.
“I’m not aware of your problem,” the doctor said.
“So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning.”
“Of course,” replied the patient…
“In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth…”
Blondes son
A Blonde goes and buys a new house and names it Hairy Butt.Of course she had a son named Crack.Well one day the blonde couldn`t find her son so she called the police and said I looked all over my Hairy Butt and couldn`t find my Crack.
Bowiling ball
What’s the diference in a bowling ball & a prostitute?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Sex like air
How is sex like air?
It’s no big thing unless you aren’t getting any.
Gas station
Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant?
Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Bernadette burn’-a-det:
Bernadette burn’-a-det: The act of torching a mortgage.Burglarize bur’-gler-ize: What a crook sees with.Counterfeiters kown-ter-fit-ers: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Crisis at the Zoo
Several months ago, there was a major crisis at the New York Zoo. The male gorilla died and the female missed her mate so much, she stopped eating. This persisted for several days and the keepers became very concerned. So, the made inquiries to other zoos to see if they could get a “loaner” male to console the female.
They had no success in finding a loaner. As a consequence they wound up recruiting a hairy chested Italian construction worker. At first he did not want to do it, but they pointed out what a valuable and important service he would be rendering.
Finally, he said, “All right, I will do it on 3 conditions:
1. I don’t have to kiss her.
2. Nobody gets to watch.
3. The kids will all be raised Catholic.
Selling war insurance
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:”If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000.””Now,” he concluded,” which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?