Knock KnockWho’s there?Ivor!Ivor who?Ivor good mind not to tell you now!
Author: admin
Parental Education
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist.The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living.I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, “If there’s anything you want to know, just ask me.”
Sexy Timepiece
A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, �Wow, that’s a really fancy watch.� �Thanks, says the guy, �It’s the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it’ll answer me, telepathically.� �Rubbish, you’re having me on,� says the girl. �No, it’s true,� says that guy. �Look, tell you what, I’ll prove it. I’ll ask it if you’ve got any panties on.� The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, �Nope, it says you haven’t got any panties on.� �Well, it’s wrong,� says the girl, �I do have panties on.� �Damn,� says the guy, slapping his watch, �it’s an hour fast!�
Deleting Files
Whats the difference between MAC, Windows, and UNIX when trying to delete
an important file?
A MAC says, “I’m sorry, this file is important and it would harm your
system if you delete it.”
A Windows machine says, “Deleting this file may cause some programs not to
run on your computer, are you sure you wish to delete it?”
A Unix machine says, “Woops, you fucked up!”
Little boy’s room
The Michael Jackson trial continued yesterday with the mother Michael Jackson’s kids Debbie Rowe taking the witness stand.
The judge has imposed some strict rules, for example no one involved in the case is allowed to leave the courtroom at anytime, not even for bathroom breaks.
The judge made the ruling after Michael kept raising his hand asking if he could go to the little boy’s room.
-Rick Fancy
TOUGH MATH
A young boy wasnt doing good in math . His parents tried everything, tootering, punishments, you name it. Well when all else fialed the father enrolled the boy into a catholic school. The next time the boy got his reportcard, he had a perfect grade in math. the father excliamed son what; was it to make you dok so good?was it the nuns the church what was it? the son goes well when i saw the picture of that guy nialed to the plus sign i knew this place ment bussiness.
Home for the Aged
Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Cohen lived next door to each other for over 40 years, and over the years became loving friends. One day Mrs. Murphy came to Mrs. Cohen and said, “This house is becoming to much for us, let’s sell it and each move into a home for the aged.Each went to a home of their respective religions, and were soon placed. Mrs. Murphy felt very lonesome for Mrs. Cohen, and one day asked to be driven to the Jewish Home to visit her old friend Mrs. Cohen. When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs and kisses. Mrs. Murphy said “So how do you like it here?”Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the facility and the care takers. She then said, “You know the best thing is that I now have a boyfriend.”Mrs. Murphy said, “Now isn’t that wonderful. Tell me what you do.”Mrs. Cohen said, “After lunch we go up to my room, and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on the top, and then on the bottom, and then we sing Jewish songs.”Mrs. Cohen said, “And how is it with you Mrs. Murphy?”She said it was also wonderful at her new facility, and that she also had a boyfriend.Mrs. Cohen said, “So what do you do?””We also go up to my room after lunch and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on top, and then I let him touch me down below.”Mrs. Cohen said, “And then what do you do?”Mrs. Murphy said, “Since we don’t know any Jewish songs, we have sex.”
El juez se dirige al
El juez se dirige al condenado:
“Se le acusa de haber ahorcado a su madre; decapitado a su padre; descuartizado a sus hermanos; incinerado a su t�a y haber envenenado al gato… �Acaso usted no calcul� el da�o que estaba haciendo?”
“�No, se�or�a, yo siempre fui tan malo para las matem�ticas!”, contesta quejumbroso el delincuente.
Number Fun
WHY ARE ALL THE NUMBERS SCARED OF 7?
BECAUSE 7 8 9
Western Carolina
Q: How many Western Carolina University students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None – Cullowhee doesn’t have electricity.
Sell Your Ugly Body
You’re so ugly you could sell your body to science fiction movies.
Get me an ambulence now
A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!Operator: Okay, sir, you’re an ambulance!