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Honda

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A businessman was in Japan to make a presentation to the Toyota motor people. Needless to say, this was an especially important deal, and it was imperative that he make the best possible impression. On the morning of the presentation he awoke to find himself passing gas, in large volumes, with the unpleasant characteristic of sounding like “HONDA.” The man was besides himself. Every few minutes “HONDA”, “HONDA”…. Unable to stop this aberrant behavior, and in desperate need to terminate these odious and rather embarrassing emissions, he sought a physicians aid. After a full examination, the doctor told him that there was nothing inherently wrong with him and that he would just have to wait it out. Being unwilling to accept this state of affairs he visited a second and then a third doctor all of whom told him the same thing. Finally one medic suggested that he visit a dentist. Well although he could not see how a dentist was going to be of any help, he visited one anyway. Lo and behold, the dentist said, “Ah, there’s the problem” “What is it?” the man asked.”Why you have an abscess,” said the dentist.”An abscess. How could that be causing my problem?” asked the man.”That’s easy,” replied the dentist.”Why everyone knows… Abscess makes the fart go Honda.”

Gay Gorilla

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Two gay gentlemen were walking through a zoo. They came across the gorillas and after a while they noticed that the huge male gorilla had a massive erection. This fascinated the gay men so much they couldn’t take their eyes off of it.

One of the men just couldn’t bear it any longer and he reached into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabbed him, dragged him into the cage and screwed him for six hours non-stop. When he was done, the gorilla threw the gay man back out of the cage.

An ambulance was called and the man was taken away to the hospital.

The next day his friend visits him in the hospital and asked, “Are you hurt?”

“AM I HURT?” he shouted, “Wouldn’t you be? That big ape hasn’t called, he hasn’t written…”

The smart monkey.

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Thomas goes to the zoo to feed the monkeys. He throws a
monkey a peanut, the monkey picks it up, sticks it in his rear,
pulls it out and eats it.
Thomas goes, “YUK!”
He throws the monkey another peanut. The monkey picks it up,
sticks it in his rear, pulls it out and eats it.
Thomas goes, “YUK!”
He goes to the zookeeper and he says, “Man, that is one very
stupid monkey.”
The zookeeper says, “No, that’s a very smart monkey. Last
week, somebody threw him a big peach, and he ate it, and he
couldn’t pass the pit. So now he measures everything first.”

Watermelon patch

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There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.

After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.

He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, “Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.”

The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer’s sign.

When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, “Now there are two!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Flip Flops and Dildo

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After Christmas Tom and Harry were at work talking about what they bought thier wives for Christmas. Tom says “I got my wife a 3 carat diamond ring and a brand new BMW”. Harry asked “if you got her a 3 carat diamond ring then why did you get a BMW”.”So if she didn’t like the ring I knew that she would like the BMW” said Tom, “well what did you get your wife?” Harry replies “well I got her a pair of flip flops and a dildo”.Tom laughs and askes “why did you get her a dildo?””Well so if she didn’t like the flip flops she could go screw herself”

“�Chico! �Qu� t� pasa que

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“�Chico! �Qu� t� pasa que vas tan magullado?” pregunta un ladr�n a su colega.

“Pues mira, que anoche entr� en una casa a oscuras y la mujer la emprendi� conmigo a golpes, patadas, ara�azos, hasta que encendi� la luz.”

“�Hasta que encendi� la luz?”

“S�. Entonces me dijo: �huy!, perdone, lo hab�a confundido con mi marido.”