Your mama is so fat, when it comes time for people to empty their swimming
pools for winter, she makes money jummping into the pools to empty them.
Author: admin
Stressed
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I’m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn’t I, you stupid bastard!!!!!
lesbian operation.
What is a lesbians common operation called?. A Strapadicktome.
Statistical assumptions
There were a physicist, a circus strong man, and a statistician marooned on a desert island. A box of canned food washes ashore, and the question is how to open the cans. The physicist suggests dropping them from the trees so that they break open. The strong man says that’s too messy. Instead, he will rip the cans open with his bare hands. The statistician says that’s still too messy, but he knows how to open the cans without making a mess. “First,” he says “assume we have a can opener.”
You might be a Redneck if..
You refer to your mother and mother in-law as duel air bags.
who do you get a elefant out of a pool?
YOU GET IT WET.
Would it have been so Different?
Hillary and Bill were on vacation one weekend, and decided to go for a drive to see the beautiful countryside. After awhile, they needed to stop for gas. They pulled into the tiny gas station, and out walked a man to help them. Hillary looked up and screamed at the top of her lungs, “Oh my God! Charley? Is that you? I can’t believe it!”
She lept out of the car and gave the man a big hug, and proceeded to talk with the man for a long time. After they were finished talking, they hugged again, and Hillary got back in the car. As they were driving away, Bill turned to Hillary and asked “Honey, who was that?”
“That was Charley, an old boyfriend of mine,” she responded. “We dated for a long time, and almost got married.”
“Oh.” said Bill. “Well I guess you’re glad you married me instead.”
“Why do you say that?” asked Hillary.
“Because he’s only a gas station attendant, and I’m the President of the United States.” exclaimed Bill.
“I don’t see how that has anything to do with anything.” said Hillary. “If I would have married Charley, he would be the President.”
You’re a redneck … after making love you
You’re a redneck if…. After making love you ask your date to roll down the
window.
Priest and Christmas
What does a priest and a christmas tree have in common?Their balls are for decoration
The easiest way to refold
The easiest way to refold a road map is differently.
St Peter and the Three Nuns
Three Nuns died and were up at outside the gates of Heaven. St. Peter was
there with them. St. Peter decided he needed to quiz each nun with a
different question to see if they really desereved to go to Heaven.
St. Peter asked the first nun, “Nun, Who was the first man on earth?” She
replied, “That would be Adam.” St. Peter let her through the gates.
St. Peter walked up to the second nun and asked her, “Nun, Who was the
first woman on earth?” She replied, “That would be Eve.” St. Peter let her
through the gates.
St. Peter walked up to the third nun and asked her, “What was the last
thing that Eve told Adam before they left Paradise?”
The nun was puzzled. She thought about it for a long time.
“HHHHMMMM,” she said aloud, “Thats a hard one.”
St. Peter let her through the gates.
the hunting trip
there were three men a chinamen a whiteman and a indan they went out hunting the chinaman brang a moose back they sed ware did u get that i followed the tracks and BANG the white man went out hunting he brang back a deer they sed were did u get that i followed the tracks and BANG the indain went hunting and came back with a missing leg and no arms they sed ware did u get that i followed the tracks and BANG BANG i got hit by a train