Why did god give women nipples?
To make suckers out of men.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
Author: admin
�Por qu� a algunas mujeres
�Por qu� a algunas mujeres les gusta tanto la pelicula de Mujer Bonita?
Porque creen que van a encontrar a un hombre guapo y millonario que las quiera y que les d� todo lo que han so�ado… �Sin importar lo putas que hayan sido!
Statistics
Statistics are like a bikini; What is revealed is interesting; What is concealed is crucial.
gay mans barbuque
Why shouldnt u go 2 a gay mans barbuque?
coz the sausages will taste of shit
Beauty is in the eye
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
You think your day is bad!!!
Maybe we should send some minties to these people. Just
remember, it could be worse!
* The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon
Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony,
two of the most expensively saved animals were released back
into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute
later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
* A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to
a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his
reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her with
an axe leaving her mentally retarded.
* A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking
frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist
towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the
deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the
back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he
had been happily listening to his Walkman.
* Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the
pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence
and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
And finally. . . . . . .
* Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn’t pay enough postage on a
letter bomb. It came back with “return to sender” stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
Your day’s not so bad, is it?
Salesman
So a salesman go to the next house and knocks on the door. A
little boy answers the door and is in his underwear with a cigar
in his mouth with a porno magazine under his arm. The salesman
asks “are you parents home?” the little boy goes “what the fuck
do you think?”
Three chinese men
three chineese men were traveling to america. when they got there the first chineese man took singing lessons and learned to sing memememememe.the second man went to a steakery and learned to say knife and fork. the third chinese man went into a candy store and learned to say goodie goodie gum drops. The men then went to see a movie. at the movie a man got viciously murdered. the police arrived and asked the chinese men who did this. the first man said mememememe. the cop then asked with what he did it. the second man said knife and fork. the cop got angry and said your going to jail. the third man said goodie goodie gum drops.
Why Name It?
Q: Why do men always give their penis a name?
A: Because they don’t want a stranger making 95 percent of their decisions for
them.
Hillary goes to heaven
Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says “Hillary, I know you’re ‘somebody’ down on Earth, but up here, you’re just another person. And, I’m swamped right now, so have a seat and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can.”So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall there are millions and millions of clocks. She can’t help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.When St. Peter returns she asks “What’s the deal with the clocks?”St. Peter replies “There is a clock on the wall for every married man on Earth.”Hillary asks, “Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?”St. Peter replies, “That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery.”Hillary asks, “Well, is my husband’s clock on the wall?”St. Peter replies, “Of course not. God has it in his office and is using it for an electric fan.”
Mexican Joke
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist named Jon complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.”Not very long,” answered the Mexican.”But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked Jon.The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.Mr. Berg asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?””I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and fuck the shit out of my wife. In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, get a quick blowjob and sing a few songs. I have a full life.”Our intrepid Mr. Berg interrupted, “I have a M.BA. from Stanford and I can help you.You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New Jersey! From there you can direct your huge enterprise.””How long would that take?” asked the Mexican.”Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied Jon.”And after that?””Afterwards? That’s when it gets really interesting,” answered Jon, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!””Millions? Really? And after that?””After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, fuck the shit out of your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!”
Tres parejas, una de adultos
Tres parejas, una de adultos cincuentones, otra de cuarentones y una joven pareja de veintitantos, quer�an unirse a su nueva parroquia. El cura les dijo que ten�an que cumplir con una condici�n especial para hacerlo:
“Ustedes deben abstenerse de tener sexo por 2 semanas”.
Las tres parejas estuvieron de acuerdo y volvieron luego de las dos semanas.
El sacerdote fue con la pareja mayor y les pregunt�:
“�Fueron capaces de abstenerse del sexo por estas dos semanas?”
“�Pero por supuesto, padre!”
“�Felicitaciones y bienvenidos a la parroquia!”
Luego se dirigi� a la segunda pareja:
“�Fueron capaces de abstenerse del sexo por estas dos semanas?”
Y el cuarent�n contest�:
“En realidad, la primera semana no tuvimos ning�n problema, pero la segunda semana tuve que dormir en el auto un par de noches, pero lo logramos.”
“�Felicitaciones y bienvenidos a la parroquia!”
El cl�rigo se dirigi� a la joven pareja:
“�Fueron capaces de abstenerse del sexo por estas dos semanas?”
“Bueno, padre, la verdad es que no lo logramos”.
“�Qu� pas�?”, inquiere el religioso exaltado.
“Mi mujer estaba alcanzando una lata de at�n de una repisa de m�s arriba, pero se le tir�, cuando se inclin� para recogerla, no me pude aguantar, me volv� un animal y me aprovech� de ella”.
“�Ustedes entienden que ahora no son bienvenidos en la parroquia?”, dijo el cura con tono solemne.
“S� padre, no hay problema… �total, ahora tampoco somos bienvenidos en el supermercado!”