your mamma so fat when she got on the scale it said to be continued
Author: admin
Horton actually heard…
Horton actually heard the Who, but Dr. Suess was afraid that his
sales would slip if parents thought he condoned rock music.
heaven
Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters. The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment. The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial suite including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback, and told St. Peter, “I’m really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations.” St. Peter replied, “We have over a hundred Popes here, and we’re really very bored with them. We’ve never had a lawyer.”
A quote on marriage
Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth. — John Lyly
Let’s organize an anarchy
Let’s organize an anarchy
The Nudist Colony
Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: “Sir, did you call for me?” Bob replies: “No, what do you mean?” She says: “You must be new here; let me explain. It’s a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me.” Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: “Sir, did you call for me?” Bob replies: “No, what do you mean?” The Huge Man: “You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me.” The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.
Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: “May I help you?” Bob says: “Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee.” Receptionist: “But Sir, you’ve only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities…..
“Bob replies: “Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day!
Opposites
“Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor, “Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?”
“Sadness,” said the student.
“And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?”
“Elation.”
“And you sir, how about the opposite of woe?”
“I believe that would be giddy up”…..
Ten reasons why beer is better
Ten reasons why beer is better than religion:
1. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
2. Beer doesn’t try to ruin your sex life.
3. Wars are not fought over beer.
4. They don’t force beer on minors who can’t think for themselves.
5. When you have a beer, you don’t knock on other people’s doors trying to give it away.
6. Nobody’s ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of beer.
7. You don’t have to wait 2000+ years for a second beer.
8. There are laws saying beer labels can’t lie to you.
9. You can prove you have a beer.
10. If you become addicted to beer, there are groups to help you escape.
Japanese Wife
A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him. So the first morning of her honeymoon when the young Japanese bride crawled out of the bed after making love, she stooped down to pickup her husband’s clothes and accidentally let out a big fart. She looked up, smiled at him, and said:
“Excuse please…Front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud.”
Ten things to say about gifts you don’t like
10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would’ve fit.9. It would be ashame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.8. Perfect for wearing in the basement. 7. Well, well, well… 6. I really don’t deserve this. 5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire! 4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire. 3. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious! 2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program. 1. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
Bar… Grasshopper
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, ‘Hey, we have a drink
named after you!’
The grasshopper looks surprised and says, ‘You have a drink named Steve?’
The two blonde gurls!!
Two girls were going out!! The 1st girl said what should wear on my shoes! The 2st girl ashed what should go in my hair!! The first girl said to the second girl ” A pony””!
Then the 2st girl said to the first”” An elephant””! So they went out a bought a Pony and a Elephant! The First girl used the pony on her shoe! The second girl used the Elephant on her hair!! They went to the doctors and asked Why they were have problems with there foot and there head!! The doctor said u both have BRAIN DAMAGE! Then the both girls said”” WHAT””!
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