Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and he logs
on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.
Author: admin
Christmas Carol Parrot
A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.
“It’s beautiful!” cried the man, “Does he do any tricks?”
“Yes he does,” answered the salesman.
“If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing ‘Jingle Bells.’ And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'”
“Amazing!” exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately.
That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he’d bought.
“Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know any tricks?” asked the wife.
The man smiled and said, “Watch this.”
Then he lit a match and put it under the bird’s right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing ‘Jingle Bells.’ Then he put the match under the bird’s left foot, and it began to sing ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.’
“That’s incredible! Does he do anything else?” the wife asked.
“I don’t know, lets see,” replied the man. So he lit another match and put it between the bird’s legs.
“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.”
Confucious says
he who sleep with itchy but wake up with stinky finger
he who stand on toilet is high on pot
HE who stuck in cupboard has ass in jam
Miniatures
I think the worst thing a wife can ever do is make fun of her husband’s sexual prowess.
Like my wife was talking to our neighbor when he asked her “What made you decide to marry John?”
My dear wife said, “Because of my hobby — I collect miniatures.”
The Mexican Hills
What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill?
AN AVALANCHE
What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?
MUDSLIDE
What do you call a bunch of mexicans running down a hill?
JAILBREAK!!
How Many Interns at the White House?
How many Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb at the White House?
None…They are too busy screwing the president!
sleep in the barn
A police chief, a fire chief, and a city manager were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer welcomed them in, but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn. Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief. A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O’Leary’s cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman’s worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn. This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door. When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.
Christian
A religious man, ignoring a nagging conscience, went bear hunting on the Sabbath even though he knew he was being disobedient to a commandment.
He was feeling a little guilty about it as he entered the woods.
Suddenly he heard a noise close by. Quickly he tried to raise his rifle, alas, too late, for the huge grizzly bear was upon him.
Gazing in horror at the ferocious beast while the huge bear grabbed him in a bear-hug and squeezed the life out if him, he prayed with his last breath, “Please, oh God, make this bear a Christian.”
Immediately the bear released him, knelt down, bowed his head and said, “I give thanks for this food of which I am about to partake.”
Amen.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
What did the blonde�s left leg say to her right leg?
What did the blonde�s left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Making her scream
How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm?
Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Yo mama so skinny
yo mama so skinny, she hula-hoops with a cheerio.
Walking on Water
There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye, fishing on their respective sides of the Ohio river. Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the buckeye was catching nothing, so he yelled across to the redneck, “Buddy, I’d sure like to be on your side of the river!””Alrght, tell ya whut, I’ll shine my flashlight ‘cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!” the redneck yelled back.The buckeye replied, “Hain’t no way, buddy. I know you think I’m a fool! When I get halfway ‘cross, you’ll turn your flashlight off!