How do you spell relief?
Answer: F A R T
Author: admin
“Youth in Asia are just like kids everywhere
Asked about his views on euthanasia, Clinton replied, “Youth in Asia are just
like kids everywhere else.”
Bus Load of Politici
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road when all of a sudden the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field. The old farmer after seeing what happened went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a load of holes and buried all the politicians.A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and then asked the old farmer, “Were they ALL dead?” The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”
Six pack
Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize they’ll have to inform his wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job.
After two hours he returns carrying a six-pack of beer. ‘So did you tell her?’ asks Jeff.
‘Yep,’ replies Bob.
‘Say, where did you get the six-pack?’
‘She gave it to me.’
‘What?’ exclaims Jeff. ‘You just told her that her husband died and she gave you a six-pack?’
‘Sure,’ Bob says.
‘Why?’ asks Jeff.
‘Well,’ Bob continues, ‘when she answered the door, I asked her whether she was Steve’s widow. “Widow,” she said, “no, no, you’re mistaken. I’m not a widow.”
So I said, “I’ll bet you a six-pack you are!”‘
Get Him Off Me Or I’ll Sue!
What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman pinscher.
Worst Pain of My Lif
One day, a man walked into the dentist”s office for some dental work. The dentist said, “Sir, you have a tooth I must pull, What type of pain killer would you like?” The man looked at the dentist and said, “None, thanks, I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life.” The dentist said, “Sir, pulling this tooth Will be painful, I suggest a painkiller” The man looked back at the dentist and said, “I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, Nothing else will ever compare.” The dentist said, “Sir, I”m telling you, use a painkiller.” The man again said to the dentist, “I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, I do not need painkillers, now pull the tooth.” The dentist then said, “Okay, You asked for it, But first, tell me what was the second greatest pain in your life?” The man said, “Yes, I remember it well. I was hunting in some woods north of here one snowy day. Walking through the woods, the urge came upon me and I headed over to a tree. Well, I started to do my thing, and when the first part dropped, It set off a large bear trap that was hidden in the snow that closed on my balls. That was the second greatest pain in my life” The dentist then said, “Ouch! But then what was the first greatest pain in your life?” The man replied, “When I reached the end of the chain.”
NOODLE
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SPAGETTI NOODLE? THEY BOTH WIGGLE WHEN YOU EAT THEM
The fool
One day, little Isaac says to his dad, �Did you hear about the stupid fool who
keeps going around saying “no”?�
�No.�
�Oh, so it’s you.�
Bar
I walked in to a bar with a giraffe and it gets drunk it falls on the floor and then the bar man says you cant just leave that lyin there the man says its not a lion its a giraffe
Republican Kittens
George W. Bush is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner
with a box.
Curious, he runs over to the child and says, “What’s in the box kid?”
The little boy says, “Kittens, they’re brand new kittens.”
George W. laughs and says, “What kind of kittens are they?”
“Republicans,” the child says.
“Oh that’s cute,” George W. says and he runs off.
A couple of days later George is running with his buddy Dick Cheney and he
spies the same boy with his box just ahead.
George W. says to Dick, “You gotta check this out” and they both jog over to
the boy with the box.
George W. says, “Look in the box Dick, isn’t that cute? Look at those little
kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are.”
The boy replies, “They’re Democrats.”
“Whoa!� George W. says, “I came by here the other day and you said they were
Republicans. What’s up?”
“Well,” the kid says, “Their eyes are open now”
a few things to do in public
1. when a person is taking there dog for a walk, pet it and play
with it for a long time as long as u can untill the owner of the
dog leaves.
2. If someone has there dog outside, bark at it loudly for a
long time untill the owner lets him in the house when they do,
then say something sarcastic.
3. While some kids are playing a game, join them then brake all
the rules trample them down untill they leave.
4. Go to a mall hide behind something then jump out and fall in
front of someone see if they help u.
5. go to a public bathroom and throw everything around clogg the
sinks up! (ive done this)
6. glogg the bathroom sink turn the water on and leave. (done
this)
7. (something ive done) I went fishing, we caught a little fish,
so we were sorta playing with it. Then we took it all the way to
the public bathrooms, stuck it in the toilet and leave it there
9lucky my parents werent there!)
8. throw worms at someone and start a fight, see who wins! (done
this)
Someone Under the Be
Shakey went to a psychiatrist.”Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under … you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!””Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink.”Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.””How much do you charge?””A hundred dollars per visit.””I’ll sleep on it,” said Shakey.Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street.”Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.”For a hundred buck’s a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars.””Is that so! How?””He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”