“There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel
persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to feel
like a woman in their country.”
Author: admin
Alcoholics Alias is a group
Alcoholics Alias is a group in which you continue to drink, but under
an assumed name.
Screwed to death?
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick, so she proceeded to find herself a rich 75-year-old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.
The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. The first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed.
When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a condom to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose plugs.
Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, “What are those for?”
The elderly groom replied, “There are two things I can’t stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber.”
Harley Davidson dies, and goes
Harley Davidson dies, and goes to heaven.
One day, he finds himself talking to God.
God says “You know Harley, I really like you bikes.
There was only one thing wrong with them – the inlet was too close
to the exhaust.”
Harley replied “I couldn’t find any way around that, though
I notice that you had the same problem with women, you know, inlet
to close to the exhaust.”
God gets pretty angry at this, and snaps back
“I bet more people rode my model than yours!”
Someone Under the Be
Shakey went to a psychiatrist.”Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under … you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!””Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink.”Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.””How much do you charge?””A hundred dollars per visit.””I’ll sleep on it,” said Shakey.Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street.”Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.”For a hundred buck’s a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars.””Is that so! How?””He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”
Computers
a little boy asks his teacher if he can use the restroom. Sure but first tell me the ABC’s. ok. A b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x w y z. where is the P? running down my leg
Tough Quiz
A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The Programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lot of fun. He explains “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $5.”
Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, “OK, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $50!”
This catches the Engineer’s attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”
The Engineer doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Programmer.
Now, it’s the Engineer’s turn. He asks the Programmer “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?”
The Programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Aerophone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers — all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50.
The Engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The Programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the Engineer and asks “Well, so what’s the answer?”
Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the Programmer $5, and turns away and goes back to sleep.
Lumberjacks
What do you call three Irish lumberjacks?
Treemen.
Anal vs Oral
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Yo momma
yo momma so bald she gotta use rice for roller curlers.
Shooting Blanks
I like to hang out around the playground, just watching the kids running and screaming. They don’t know I’m just using blanks.
Doing this great deed
A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that’s bad.Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad.Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned.Exasperated, Peter says, “Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I’m trying to help. Now think!” The man says, “There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell’s Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face”. “Wow”, said Peter, “That’s impressive. When did this happen”? “Oh, about 10 minutes ago”, replied the man.