A rather fat woman with a sagging figure was vacationing in Florida. She goes into a shop and buys a bikini.The next day she comes back and wants to return the bikini top and get half her money back.The clerk says, “But you need the top too.”The woman replies, “No, I don’t. I can get everything into the bottom.”
Author: admin
Boyle’s Law of Politics…
- Boyle’s Law of Politics
- The greater the external pressure,
the greater the volume of hot air.
Your mamma so fat……..
Your mamma is so fat when she sat on a dollar bill she made change
Reno
There was a young lady in Reno
Who lost all her dough playing Keno.
But she lay on her back
And opened her crack,
And now she owns the casino.
Did you hear about the
Did you hear about the Polish Lesbian ?
She loved men……
License
A blonde was driving over the speed limit, and got pulled over by a police officer who asked her for her drivers license.�
The blonde then said, “Whats with you people? Yesterday you took away my drivers license and now your asking for it?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
The Top 14 New Euphemisms for “Stupid”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
14> Routinely outsmarted by cheese
13> Three experts short of an antitrust suit
12> Three-time Darwin Award winner
11> Keeps her brain in mint condition
10> A few planets short of a federation
9> Backstreet Boy in a Talking Heads world
8> Duh! on parade
7> Still cutting with rounded scissors
6> He’s a T-1 line of pure stupid
5> At least one Brady short of a Bunch
4> Sharp as a donut
3> Has a vacancy at the Grey Matter Motel
2> T minus dumb and counting
1> “Good afternoon, Boulder Homicide”82
Redneck quickies 14
You might be a redneck if…You won’t stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car. Your dog can’t watch you eat without gagging. You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car. You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions. Red Man sends you a Christmas card. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work. Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade. Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
Soaking people
Q: Why did Clinton cut his vacation short in the interests of dikes?
Levees and rain showers?
A: He thought he was going to the Midwest for lesbians, taxes, and Soaking
people.
One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish
One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish friend. The friend
recommended a kosher place nearby. They arrived and Dubai�s friend ordered them
both the house specialty: matzo ball soup. The waiter brought the bowls and
George looked at the soup suspiciously, but his friend urged him to try at least
one taste. So he took a bite of matzo ball and slurped some soup and clearly
liked it. After Dubai was finished he said, “Mom that was good! But tell me, do
you Jewish folks eat other parts of the matzo, or just the balls?”
Good to be chemist
REASONS TO BE A CHEMIST- All the coffee and pocket protectors you could want!- Clark Kent style safety glasses.- Exposure to all kinds of toxic and cancerous substances.- The “opportunity” to deal with irate clients asking “where are my results?”- Because it’s pHun :)- Access to 100% pure ethanol- Knowing how to completely dissolve the bodies of your enemies- You never have to worry about what you’re doing on Friday night (You’re working in the lab)- Permanent goggle marks cheaper than a tattoo.- You wish to be blamed for all faults in the environment.- ditto for cancer- You are adept at poverty cooking- You prefer to get your course credits the hard way
Why did the blondes bellybutton hurt
why did the blondes bellybutton hurt?
becuase her boyfriend was blond to!