why did the blondes bellybutton hurt?
becuase her boyfriend was blond to!
Author: admin
The Top 14 New Euphemisms for “Stupid”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
14> Routinely outsmarted by cheese
13> Three experts short of an antitrust suit
12> Three-time Darwin Award winner
11> Keeps her brain in mint condition
10> A few planets short of a federation
9> Backstreet Boy in a Talking Heads world
8> Duh! on parade
7> Still cutting with rounded scissors
6> He’s a T-1 line of pure stupid
5> At least one Brady short of a Bunch
4> Sharp as a donut
3> Has a vacancy at the Grey Matter Motel
2> T minus dumb and counting
1> “Good afternoon, Boulder Homicide”82
Here Boy
Q. What do you call a dog with no hind legs and steel balls?
A. Sparky!
Beers for everyone!
A guy walked into a bar and said
“Beers for everyone, even you, Bartender.”
But when it was time to pay, the guy didn’t have the money, so the bartender beat him up.
The next day the guy did the same thing, ordered a beer for everyone, even the bartender, and the bartender beat him up since the guy couldn’t pay.
Then the next day, the guy said “Beers for everyone! But not you, bartender!”
The bartender said “Why?”
The guy replyed “You’re violent when you’re drunk!”
Buying in bulk
the last thing you want to hear when you get home is: “I saved you thousands of dollars buying in bulk!”
Estaban tres elefantes en medio
Estaban tres elefantes en medio de la selva echadotes porque hac�a mucho calor.
Uno de ellos dice: “Yo quisiera tener las orejas muy muy grandes.”
Los otros dos le preguntan: “para que las quieres?”
“Ahhh, pues para hechar mucho aire con ellas y as� refrescarnos un poco.”
Otro de los elefantes dice entonces:
“Pues yo quisiera tener la trompa bien laaarga.”
“�Y para qu� la quieres?” dicen los otros dos.
“Ahhh, pues para que llegara hasta el r�o y asi echarnos agua sin levantarnos.”
Entonce el tercer elefante dice:
“Pues yo quisiera tener unas pesta�otas largas y bien chinas.”
“�Y eso para qu�?” preguntan los otros.
Y el elefante contesta:
“Ahh, pues nada mas de joto (gay).”
Monica Lewinsky’s favorite instrument
What is Monica Lewinsky’s favorite instrument?
Well, she’s pretty good on the skin flute, but she really sucks on the organ.
Reno
There was a young lady in Reno
Who lost all her dough playing Keno.
But she lay on her back
And opened her crack,
And now she owns the casino.
License
A blonde was driving over the speed limit, and got pulled over by a police officer who asked her for her drivers license.�
The blonde then said, “Whats with you people? Yesterday you took away my drivers license and now your asking for it?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
No more tricks
A newlywed bride and groom had been busy at ‘it’ for three days straight.
The groom arose early and was reading the paper, thinking it was time to do something else.
When his bride woke up, he said, “Honey would you like to see Oliver Twist?”
His bride replied, “You show me one more trick with that thing and I’m going home to mother!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Soaking people
Q: Why did Clinton cut his vacation short in the interests of dikes?
Levees and rain showers?
A: He thought he was going to the Midwest for lesbians, taxes, and Soaking
people.
Saggy Tits
A rather fat woman with a sagging figure was vacationing in Florida. She goes into a shop and buys a bikini.The next day she comes back and wants to return the bikini top and get half her money back.The clerk says, “But you need the top too.”The woman replies, “No, I don’t. I can get everything into the bottom.”