yo mama so stupid she bought a solar powered flashlight.
Author: admin
Definition of a Wife!
Definition of a Wife:
(B)eautiful (I)ntelligent (T)alented (C)harming (H)omemaker
How It All Began…
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?” And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear?”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy.
A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham’s drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.
Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.” And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known “eBay” he said, “we need a name that reflects what we are,” and Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”
“YAHOO”, said Abraham. And that is how it all began, It wasn’t Al Gore after all.
Sex Problem
A bloke went to the doctor and said, “I got this sex problem,
doc.” “Tell me about your average day,” said the doctor. “It all
starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up
about 3:00 am for nookie and then again about 5 o’clock so we
can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work.”
“Oh I see,” said the doc. “No, hang on.” said the man, “You see,
when I get on the train to work I meet this girl everyday and we
get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there.”
“Oh…now I see,” said the doctor. “No you don’t,” said our
hero. “When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I
have to give her one in the storeroom.”
“Oh…now I see,” said the doctor. “No no no,” he said. “When I
go to lunch I meet this dinner lady I’m very fond of and we nip
out the back for a quickie.”
“Now I understand,” said the patient doctor. “No, hang on,” said
the bloke. “When I get back to work in the afternoon my boss, a
very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says
she’ll give me the sack.”
“Ahh…” said the doctor, “now I see.” “No, there’s more.” said
our man, “When I get home my wife is so pleased to see me she
gives me a blow job before dinner and then we have sex
afterwards.”
“What’s your problem then?” asked the doctor. “Well…” said our
hero, “it hurts when I masturbate.”
Your momma so stupid
Your momma so stupid she went to a clippers game for a haircut
Twas the Night Before…
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we’d built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.
Sure as I’m speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn’t sound right.
Whoa S**thead, whoa A**hole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I’ll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don’t hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, ’cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jockeys, to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
“That was some brothel,” he said with a smile, “The reindeer are pooped, and I’ll just stay awhile”
He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa’s next find, And six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several more things I shouldn’t even mention.
A f**k ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil. “This stuff ain’t for kids, Mrs. Santa will s**t, Do I’ll leave ’em here, and then I’ll just split.”
He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch, Saying, “Take me home, Rudolf. This night’s been a bitch!”
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, “The best thing about pussy is you can’t wear it out!!”
Como parte de un programa
Como parte de un programa cultural, en la secci�n del teniente Jorge se da el siguiente espect�culo: una bailarina est� haciendo strip-tease delante de los soldados que tienen varias semanas sin ver una mujer de cerca. Con cada prenda que se quita la bailarina, se oye un fuerte aplauso, pero al llegar la parte culminante, cuando la chica se quita la �ltima prenda, el sitio es invadido por un silencio total. Sorprendida, la mujer voltea hacia los militares pregunt�ndoles:
��Qu� pasa, no les gust�?�
“�Claro que nos gust� pero es dif�cil aplaudir con una mano!”, aclara un recluta.
We saw you
you my weighs so much when you she goes in a lift the only opions down
Computer Acronyms
PCMCIA People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN It Still Does Nothing
APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI System Can’t See It
DOS Defective Operating System
BASIC Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM I Blame Microsoft
DEC Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating
System Hangs
PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect
Understanding of Mathematics
COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
AMIGA A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
GIRO Garbage In Rubbish Out
MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software
Only Fools Teenagers
Six times six
LOL….LOL…
xxx MO. 😉
Things We Will Never See On Star Trek
1.A redshirt sneaks down a deserted corridor, turns a corner, and suddenly has a surprise birthday party.
2.A redshirt manages to avoid the thrown knife, phaser shot, arrow, or whatever.
3.McCoy says, “On second thought, maybe I’m a carpenter and NOT a doctor after all.”
4.Kirk meets a woman whom he’s known for years but never had sex with.
5.An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with the Enterprise’s computer, only to find it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
6.Sulu and Chekov get to do something interesting.
7.Kirk says, “Uhura, I’m frightened.”
8.Kirk gets Court-martialed for violating the Prime Directive.
9.A Klingon says to a companion, “Hey, I like you.”
10.Harry Mudd manages to turn a healthy profit selling something legal.
11.An android race turns out to be completely friendly and not threatening or menacing in any way.
12.Some patient of McCoy’s who’s NOT a central character lives.
13.The crew of the Enterprise disperse, Sulu gets his own ship, and nobody suffers major emotional trauma.
14.A major character dies and isn’t resurrected.
15.The mysterious a giant threatening object is on a direct course for some world other than Earth.
16.McCoy says, “He’ll live, Jim.”
17.The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected to the late 20th century.
18.Riker manages to avoid seeming like a William Shatner clone.
19.Somebody says, “You know, the Enterprise-D looks really stupid! What is it, a `Close Encounters’ reject???”
20.The captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
21.Some of the crew visits the holodeck and it works properly.
22.Artificial intelligence and android technology make human exploration of the galaxy obsolete.
23.The deflector shields hold through the duration of the battle.
24.The Enterprise runs into a energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.
25.A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone’s satisfaction.
26.A power surge on the bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly trained and competent engineering staff.
27.The crew of the Enterprise is afflicted by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked enterpise sick bay.
28.The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life-form wearing a funny hat.
29.The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly alright.
30.Picard ignores Troi and blows the enemy out of the sky, in spite of their “distressed” feelings.
31.Data figures out that being a robot is good.
32.Nobody uses the holodeck for a week.
33.The Enterprise encounters nothing analogous to human society in its barbaric days.
34.The crew ejects the ship tailor, gets someone who makes jackets long enough.
35.Dr. Crusher uses the wrong skin replacing magic-ray gun. LaForge is white.
36.Someone gets drunk and pees all over himself in 10 Forward.
37.Troi is able to explain her accent.
38.Picard explains his accent.
39.The crew finds a reason for not letting the computer do everything.
40.The gravity generator goes out and the crew floats around the bridge.
41.Troi makes a funny face when Geordi explains that the enterprise’s source of drinking water is recycled human waste.
42.The crew beams down to a planet that requires them to wear space suits or that has a gravity so strong it prevents them from moving around.
43.An information exchange with a vastly superior race directly leads to new technology and an improvement in the quality of life in follow-on episodes.
44.An unexpected failure in the transporter makes 17 identical copies of Picard. They all get along fine.
45.An entire year goes by without the enterprise encountering any relatives (daughter, sister, etc) of Tasha Yar.
46.A group of nearby spaceships are not all oriented exacly like each other, in an upwards position.
47.Riker loses weight from the previous year’s episodes.
48.A Star Fleet admiral gives Picard orders that present no moral dilema for him and that he is glad to go along with.
49.A crewman getting addicted to living out violent and or sexual fantasies on the holodeck and having to be forceably removed.
50.A conference on some planet that doesn’t involve running through kidnap attempts and dodging time warps to go to/from.
51.Any member of the crew who isn’t part of the bridge crew or happens to be in a room or walking through a corridor when a member of the bridge crew is there.
52.Anyone who works for a living.
53.Any horribly disfiguring disease or accident that can not be instantly and completely recovered from.
54.A space battle where the two ships don’t happen to occupy the same shot.
55.Anyone yawning, stretching, scratching, picking their nose, going to the bathroom, taking a bath, adjusting their underwear, burping or otherwise. All of these things, like the need for money, have been eliminated in the future.
Whale Watching
Yo mamma is so big. The people that live near her put up signs “Free Whale Watching!”