Yours mammas so fat she can stand in a field and see the other side of the world.
Author: admin
Telegram
A man, fond of practical jokes, decided late one night to send his friend a
collect telegram, which read, “I am perfectly well.”
A week later, the joker received a heavy parcel — collect — on which he had
to pay considerable charges. Upon opening it, he found a big block of concrete,
which had this message, “This is the weight your telegram lifted from my mind.”
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?A: Because they can spell it.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Kenya!Kenya who?Kenya guess
Knock KnockWho’s there?Kenya!Kenya who?Kenya guess who is it?
Live longer
It’s not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
How To Kill A Blonde 2 Ways
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
A: Put a spike on her shoulder.
Words to Live By
* Black holes are where God divided by zero.
* All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
* Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
* I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
* OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
* How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
* If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
* Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
* Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
* When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
* Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
* Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
* Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
* Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
* I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
* Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
* If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
* If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
* 24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case … coincidence?
* Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
* When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
* Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
* Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
* What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
* I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
* I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
* Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
* If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
* If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
* A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
* Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
* No one is listening until you make a mistake. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
* The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
* The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
* The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
* Two wrongs are only the beginning.
* You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
* The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
* Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
* The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
* If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
* Change is inevitable… except from vending machines.
* A fool and his money are soon partying.
* Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
* If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
* Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.
* I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
* Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.
* Half the people you know are below average.
* 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
* 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
* A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Honeymoon goof
A couple return from their honeymoon and it’s obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom’s best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong. ‘Well,’ replied the man, ‘when we had finished making love on the first night, I got up to go to the bathroom and I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking.’ ‘Oh, I shouldn’t worry about that too much,’ said his friend. ‘I’m sure your wife will get over it soon enough. She can’t expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!’ The groom nodded gently and said, ‘I don’t know if I can get over it though, she gave me $20 change!’
What is it?
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn’t have one.
The Pope has one but doesn’t use it.
The Artist Formerly Known as Prince won’t admit that he has one.
Clinton uses his all the time.
What is it?
Answer: A LAST NAME!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
How It All Began…
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?” And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear?”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy.
A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham’s drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.
Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.” And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known “eBay” he said, “we need a name that reflects what we are,” and Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”
“YAHOO”, said Abraham. And that is how it all began, It wasn’t Al Gore after all.
Yo mama so stupid
yo mama so stupid she bought a solar powered flashlight.
Q.what hs a tounge and gets around alot but…
Q.what hs a tounge and gets around alot but does not walk.
A.a shoe