Q:WHY DID THE ELEPHANT SAID
TO THE DUCK”GOOD THING YOU HAVE FLAT FEET THAT GO WITH MY FLAT FEET”
A:SO THE ELEPHANT CAN STEP ON THE DUCKS FLAT FEET.
Author: admin
Course in Logic
A man in his mid thrities decides that he wants to go back to school, but just to take some courses that he finds interesting. Unfortunately, when he goes to register, he finds that all the classes he had intended on taking were already too full.
Disapointed, the man figured, “Ah screw it.”
The next day, the man happened to run into one of the professors who teaches at the university. The man explained his situation to the professor, to which the professor replied, “Hey, if nothing else, why not sign up for my course in Logic”
Intrigued, the man asked the professor, “What exactly do you teach in your class?”
“Well,” the professor answered, “I’ll give you an example of what i mean. Do you own a weed whacker?”
“Yes,” the man replied. “If you own a weed whacker, then you probably have a lawn,” the professor said
“Yes,” the man replied.
“And if you have a lawn, then you probably own a home, right?” the professor asked.
“Yes,” the man replied “And if you own a home, then you probably are married with a family, correct?” the professor asked.
“Why yes,” the man replied
“And if you are married with a family, then you’re in all probability heterosexual, right?” the professor asked
“Yes!” the man replied
The following day, the man decided to try out some of this “logic” at the cash clerk at the store because he was so impressed with it himself. The man askes the cash clerk, “Do you own a weed whacker?”
“No” the cash clerk replies
“Ah-hah!!”, the man blurts out, “You must be gay!!”
Lawyer and a Doctor (Impaired of Hearing)
A lawyer and a doctor (both impaired of hearing) were riding a bus in New
York, and here’s an excerpt of the conversation they were having:
L: So you mentioned that you sue people all the time?
D: Yes, sewing is part of my job.
L: In that case I can give you my card, I could be useful to you.
D: Sorry we do only livers.
L: But I am alive, dont you think I qualify?
D: But you look fine to me, and I don’t see a reason to cut you?
L: Well, I could sue you for saying that. I am kind of sensitive.
D: Where did you learn that, I thought you spend most of your time in
court?
L: That’s what they teach us to do in court.
D: So do you have a nurse to assist you?
L: Actually the nerds taught us a lot back in school.
D: I think I really learned something today. My station has arrived, I will
see you again.
L: Perhaps we should switch our jobs, from what I learned today.
D: Didn’t I tell you before that we stitch only livers.
L: Do you mean I am dead? Look I am really losing my patience.
D: You are deaf too, well I think then we are friends.
Skiing
These three guys needed to stay at a hotel. The lady at the desk
said that there was only one room with a king size bed left. The
men said they’d take it. One guy slept on the right, the second
on the left, and the third in the middle. That night the three
guys all woke up at the same time. The first guy on the right
said, “I had a dream that some one was pulling on my dick.” The
second guy said, “I had the same dream!” The third guy that
slept in the middle said, “I had a dream that I was skiing!”
Satan Stuff
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, “What do you think about all this Satan stuff?” The other boy replied, “Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It’s probably just your dad!”
Circumcision
A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery and the day after the procedure, a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing.
The friend was amazed at the number of Nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc. “Why all the attention ?” the friend asked. “You look fine to me.”
“I know !” grinned the patient. “But the Nurses kinda formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required thirty-seven stitches.”
African Roulette
The new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They had spent the day discussing the progress the country had made with the Russians before kicking them out. “They built us a power plant, an airport, and taught us how to drink vodka and play Russian roulette.”
The ambassador looked pained and said, “Russian roulette is a dangerous game.”
“Right, that’s why we invented African roulette, would you like to play?”
“I’m not sure, how does it work?” The African clapped his hands and six gorgeous black women, all nude, came wiggling in, the diplomat explained, “Choose the one you want to give you oral sex.”
“That’s a lot better and less risky than Russian routlette…”
“Not when one of them is a cannibal.”
Y shaped
Q. Why do blondes get confused in the toilets?
A. They have to pull their own pants down!!
Employee Incentives?
A small company was on the edge of bankruptcy. The owner summoned his two-man sales force into his office.
“Things aren’t going too well, guys,” he announced grimly. “So to perk up sales I’m announcing a contest. The guy with the most sales gets a blow job.”
“What does the loser get?” asked one of the salesmen.
The owner looked at both men and said, “The loser gets to give it.”
Blondie
your dad is blonde and so your mum so how come your brown your mum has fucked tooooooo many people brov!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ugly Faces
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”
Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”
$200
A guy rings neighbor’s doorbell & a lovely blonde woman answers the door.
“Is Ed here?” he asks.
“Yes, but he’s in the shower,” she says.
“I really need to see him but I am in quite a rush, and I can only wait a couple of minutes,” he says. As he waits, he continues, “being your neighbor, it might be wrong of me to say so, but my dear… you have the loveliest rack. I’ve got $100 if you’ll show me.”
“Oh Mike, that is so wrong. On the other hand, we sure could use the money,” she says as she pulls up her top.
“Wow! That was worth every cent, but beyond that you also have the cutest ass I’ve ever seen. I’ll give you another $100 to show me the rest of your stuff.”
“Oh Mike, that’s awful but Ed’s in the shower so he won’t know and another $100 really would help around here,” she says, dropping her shorts.
“Well I gotta go. Tell Ed I stopped by, OK?” Mike leaves, and a few minutes later Ed gets out of the shower and asks, “Who was at the door?”
“Just Mike”, she says.
“Mike, huh? Did he have the 200 bucks he owes me?”