Author: admin

Quotes That You May Have Missed…

Posted on by admin

The reason it’s always so difficult for this President to tell the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is because it’s usually three
different stories.
–Sam Donaldson

If the President could convince every woman in America that the Bible says
oral sex is not adultery, he’d even have my vote.
–Newt Gingrich

What’s wrong with extending my probe? The President did the same thing.
–Kenneth Starr

The special prosecutor is asking me to give oral testimony to the entire
Grand Jury.
–Monica Lewinsky

Shouldn’t the President be held to the same standards as a TV sportscaster?
–Marv Albert

The President should promise to spend the rest of his life trying to find
the real person who had oral sex with the intern.
–OJ Simpson

If I had to spend all day trying to find jobs for every bimbo who swore
she didn’t have sex with the president, I’d never get any of my own work
done.
–Vernon Jordan

The president should take up skiing.
–Al Gore

If you’re looking for me this week, I’ll be in the bunker.
–Saddam Hussein

Practicing safe sex in the Clinton White House means making sure the door
is locked.
–George Stephanopoulos

In last week’s Cabinet meeting, the president asked us to go out and win
one for the zipper.
–Madeliene “Aunt Bea” Albright

Direct Link To God

Posted on by admin

A man went to a payphone out the front of a church. The cost of the call was 40c.

He went inside and said to the priest, I have been around the world and in nearly all the church payphones I go to the calls cost $10000, when I aksed why, they said it was becuse the phone was a direct link to god. Oh okay i said.

But when i got here the call cost is 40c. Why. Are you a direct link to god as well?

Yes said the priest but for us it is a local call!

So, a guy is stranded on an island with only…

Posted on by admin

So, a guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.
There’s plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he’s
doing alright–but after a few months he gets “lonely”, if you know what
I mean, nudge nudge wink wink.

The pig starts to look more and more attractive–soft, pink flesh, round
buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the
pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very
frustrating.

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it
turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a
beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into
his hut and slowly nurses her back to health. Finally she is well enough
to walk and she says to him “Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I
don’t know how I can ever repay you. I’ll do anything for you, anything,
just name it.”

The guy thinks for a minute and says “Would you mind taking my dog for a
walk?”.

A Gentlemen’s Pleasure

Posted on by admin

A man goes into a bar one evening and is surprised to see a ferret with no teeth, on the bar. He asks the barman what the ferret is for.”That, sir,” says the barman,”is a gentleman’s pleasure.”So saying he puts the ferret down the front of the man’s trousers. The ferret scurries around for a minute and then gives the man the best blow job he’s ever had. Afterward, he asks the bartender if he can buy the ferret for $500.”No can do,” he says,” it cost me a lot, what with the dental work and everything.”The man then offers $1000 and the bartender accepts. That night the man takes the ferret home and goes into the kitchen where his battle-axe wife is eating chocolates. He puts the ferret on the table and says:” Look what I bought for $1000. Its a gentleman’s pleasure.””What do you expect me to do with it?”asks the witch.”Teach it to cook and then fuck off!” says the man.

Adam & Eve

Posted on by admin

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, had a couple of left-over things left in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up and pee. “It’s a very handy thing,” God told the couple who he found hanging around under an apple tree. “I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability.” Adam popped a cork. Jumped up and begged, “Oh, give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a Man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It’d be so great! When I’m working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just let it rip, I’d be so cool. Oh please God let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please………” On and on he went like an excited little boy (who had to pee). Eve just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, and it sure seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn’t mind if Adam were the one given the ability to stand up and pee. And so it was. And it was…well, good. “Fine,” God said, looking back into his bag of left-over gifts. “What’s left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms…”